Uncertain times

The phrase "uncertain times" is neither truly uncertain nor is it for an indefinite period of time.

There are alot of moments in one's life wherein one finds oneself indecisive. Be it of what path to take, decisions to make or as simple as knowing what to do next. We all have felt this way, in one or another, or in one time or another. Your quandry is not unique. I believe it is human nature to be "lost" from time to time. It forces you to take a moment to pause and find your bearing. Sometimes, we are all functioning in automode that we forget to occasionally reset our self compass and take stock of what we really what to do. Denial, is after all a self preservation defense mechanism. Somewhere along the way, we have lost focus of where we are actually headed. We are anxious creatures afterall. Even the most confident person have their moments of "what's next" or "now, what?".

We see the conundrum the world is facing. We see and hear about it everywhere. These are indeed uncertain times. So we try to find our way through the rat race of everyday life, darkness can be daunting. Exisiting is hard as it is but surviving is even tougher. Those that have found something to do with their life and find meaning in it, are rare and far in between. The long and short of it is that, not every one can see their set path on the get go. We all have to struggle to find that purpose in life. And just when we think we have found it, and ready to trek it, we don't! We do have to make adjustments as we go along in this game called Life. 

Have no fear. Fear is a damning emotion. Useless and moot. It can paralyze you, both body and mind. Never allow fear to have room in your heart where faith can reside. Love is synonymous with faith, I say. They go hand in hand always, in my book. We loose opportunities because we were engulfed in fear. We like the safety net of knowing and controlling what we can and daring to attempt those that we cannot. Grab fear by the horns and tackle it to the ground! Never make decisions based on fear. Never make excuses either.

Monkey wrenches thrown at you and your plans, calls for survival skills. We never really know what we are all made out of until we find ourselves in a position that we think we have made a mess of things and now have to pay the piper for that perceived error, be it in decisions we have made or the fact that somethings happen in the universe that we do not have any control over. This is a time where our survival skills come into play, it just kicks in. It just does. We have to do everything in our human power to stay alive and stay sane. These supposed monkey-wrenches is a clear sign that the time has come to assess a change in direction of life one is taking. A monkey-wrench can take any form or shape and can come at any time. It tests your skills, acquired or inborn. 

Try to relax, take a deep breath, go for a walk or stay still for a moment. It helps to be centered. Know what really matters and what counts and tune out the static around you. Listen to yourself and what your body is telling you. You are after all human. We have limitations and we have to honor those limitations or we ourselves are the only one responsible in driving ourselves to the brink of collapse and sadly at times, insanity.

The noise of others should remain as such, noise. When uncertain times face us squarely in the face, we tend to rationalize things, in hopes of making sense of things that are nonsense to begin with. Logical but unrealistic. Not a good start. Remember that uncertain times only mean just that a moment in life where somethings or everything are uncertain. I have found that in Life, nothing is permanent. Everything is temporary. Hey, even forever is temporary. Think about it! So, believe in these simple words...This too shall pass. Happy times, are short-lived but so is pain and suffering. 

When faced with a life changing decision, I find it helpful to say a silent prayer before going over my pros and cons. I find that no matter how sincere and loving one is or the decision that has to be made, if it is not meant to be, it will never be. And sometimes, even if we are not ready for it, if it is time, it is time. Accept. But I am open for negotiations, so to speak. I respect those who make decisions with an open mind but I have a much higher respect to those who make decisions with an open heart. Now, that is a person of value, in my book. 

Never allow our own indecisiveness cloud what you really need to do. We have to make decisions every single day of our lives. Other decisions are more difficult than others. Decisions that can change lives forever. A responsibility never to be taken lightly. But at any time when just as you think you are uncertain, you know that is not the best time to make any decision at all. Decisions made in times of doubt never really bring us peace. The ability to make decisions are what make us human and above the other species in the animal kingdom. We can reason and we can analyze. 

This post is to assure you that uncertain times, are just that, moments of tough decisions ahead. You are strong, you have it in you. Take a deep breath, have a flexible plan and forge ahead. You are now to decide whatever lies before you, because now, you are ready. Otherwise, you will not be placed in this very position. Know that the road to heaven is paved with good intentions. But only those that have chosen can move forward. Note that sometimes, no matter how we prolong making a decision, a decision has been made by not deciding. Might as well, decide and chart your course, in your own terms. Uncertain times, mean, the time is now and the person to make that decision is you. You have the answer in your heart and you know what to do. Trust in yourself and love is your guiding beacon that will lead you to the right decision. Uncertain times, have brought you to the proverbial fork in the road. Always choose life and decide with love emanating from the heart. Often times, the very road you try to avoid, takes you there anyways.

Uncertain times, like pain, if it does not kill you only makes you stronger. Believe in yourself. Know that you have gotten this far in life because you know what is best for you. You are well-equiped to get through "uncertain times".If it feels like you are going through hell, just keep going. You will pass this. 

Remember, what your mother told you the first time she sent you out on your own? She might have said something like, "Look both ways before you cross the road, ok? Or, better yet, look to the left, then the right, then the left again, and if there are no cars then, you can cross. Please."

Uncertain times are like that. She would not have sent you on your own if she did not think you were ready.

Now, go on and look to the left, then to the right, and then to the left again before crossing the road.

Uncertain times? These too shall pass. Life goes on....because unlike the game of chess, Life goes on even after a checkmate, a wise man once said.

Another day...

Vegetarian Japanese choices

Being vegetarian takes a lot of self control. It can test your limits at times and the temptation can bring about a throbbing headache at times as well, but I have not given in. So far, I think it is great.

I do not want a burger nor crave for a steak. 

I have learned to read menus and stick with staple vagan choices and try new things as well. Let me show you what my recent choices have been in the world of vegetarianism, you will be surprised how good tasting and healthy they are.

Let's start with what you can make yourself. Here are very basic ingredients one can find at home. Feel free to impovise on what to add and take out as it suits your taste. I use barley here (in bowl). And garlic, onions, carrots, celery, zucchini and at the end I added fresh oregano. One can add cubed potatoes, if desired. I cook the barley as instructed on the packet and then add any season of choice. Salt and pepper with a few preferred herbs really develops the broth. 

I love a good homemade veggy fried rice. Here, I have day old cooked rice, some cubed fried potatoes and diced carrots and beaten eggs with a good sprinkling of sesame seeds and japanese nori seasoning. Hearty and filling. Nothing beats a homemade fried rice.

Now, when it comes to dining out, think they always have something vegetarian on the menu. And most of the time they do. Like this cucumber rolls, at a Japanese restaurant. The ginger is fresh and the wasabi is good. The rolls are perfection, crunchy and delicious!

Still at the Japanese restaurant, as you can see. Choose a Bento box. Like the one featured above. fried tofu with a generous dashi and mirin sauce. If served right away the tofu almost melts in your mouth. The rice is always a special treat. Served with salad and some veggies on the top of the Bento box. A delightful surprise everytime.

Oh by the way, if you find yourself in a Mexican restaurant, don't despair. As a vegetarian, you can ask for the chilaquiles, be it a combo with rice and beans or just by itself. And remember, the carrots and salsa can be a great side to your main dish. I love Mexican food but have adapted my eating ways with what they have available that I can have. These zanahorias y salsa are always a hit, especially with chips. Yum!

I have some other selections to add on here but let us save that for Another Day...I hope you all have a safe and fun filled weekend...eat healthy when you can. 

Grieving 101

There as many ways to grieve as there are reasons to grieve. - the Ultimate Diva

To even try to truly explain what grief is would be like trying to name every single person that ever walked the earth. It is so profound of a feeling that most of the time, we mere human are at a loss of words in trying to verbalize it. And no matter what word we say or use, it is somehow never truly reflective of what the "real" grief is about at that moment.

We all grieve. We loose someone dear to us and it creates that emptiness in the very bottom of our hearts and our eyes starts to well in tears. A feeling to intense our soul has to breathe in form of tears. 

What brought about this particular post on grief is that my late mother's brother just passed away. He lived next door to us. Only a 7 foot wall separates our homes. My Tito Johnny and his wife moved next door when were were toddlers. My father and mother, procured the house and land for them. He was my mother's favorite brother, closer to her age than any of her other siblings. I loved them from the very start. I have a cousin that was almost like a younger sister to me, to the envy of my other maternal cousins. We shared everything. At one point, we were so alike, a boy in school was wooing us at the same time (we laughed about it then, we are still laughing about it now!). Our families are close.

In the years past, my Tito Johnny was always there when my mother needed him. They would loose a relative, he was the only one that brought my mother the "sad and bad news". So when it was my time to grieve, my Tito Johnny was there.. he would give me short words of encouragement and no matter what the news is, he is always strong and straight faced about these things, matter of factly almost. But like family he never would advise me on things only a father has the right to say to a daughter. He always knew that he was the Tio. I love him for that. He respected my father, very much. He loved us, his nieces and nephews. He loved our children as well. So generous to everyone. When I looked at him, during my unexpected visits, I always remember my mother. He reminded me of her. There was great comfort in that. 

I see his children grieving for him now, and it is tough. I would like to tell them that my Tito Johnny is in a better place now, no pain or suffering. But those words will not give comfort to those he left behind. His wife can finally rest as well, after years of being his caregiver. As far as I can remember, she never went anyway for more than half a day away from him. He was bedridden for awhile before he died. 

I would like to tell my cousins, the pain will ease with time. But do I really believe that? I know that anytime one grieves for someone they lost, they only manage the pain and try to live their daily routine but time does not lessen the feeling of missing the loved one, the scar is still there. And you live with that loss forever. The last thing I would say is what I hear most people who attempt to offer comforting words to grieving that, Life goes on. Though that might be true, I am sure I would not want that to be said to me, if I am the one grieving. 

We grieve for parents lost, lover's lost...and all the other losses humans experience. So last night, I wrote my cousins and told them these...

I love them all.

Their father always spoke kindly and sweetly about each and everyone of them, when I would visit him, he would proudly list each of their accomplishments. He smiled alot.

He was a great source of comfort to his friends. He was generous.

They have to hold on to each other in this most difficult time. There is strength amongst them.

They have to be strong for their mother. She needs them now the most, more than anytime in her life.

Everytime they think of him, they say a prayer of thanks. 

He loved them so much.

If they need a shoulder to cry on, I am here. If they need someone to listen to them, I am here.

I love them all.

Grieving is a very strange beast. Grieving is for the living, you see. It can take everything from you, if you do not share the overwhelming feeling, it eases the pain. It is an intense emotion. Grief is the pain we pay as a price for love. It can take a long time for others to cope with grief, others recover in a shorter span of time. I focus on the positive in choosing my words of comfort. Loosing someone as important as a parent, can almost break your heart but I would like to think that parents do not really leave their children, unless they have taught their children what they need to learn in life. And then they go.

It is almost easy to say that grieving can be almost impossible to understand because an element of regret come into play. But again, we focus on the positive. 

Loosing someone you love is never easy. But again, what is life but a series of letting go when it is time and making memories that will last us a lifetime. Life trials and pain, together with heartaches teaches us something. Each lesson is different to each person. Death is never easy to deal with. We accept the loss of a loved one, and continue thinking of the lost loved one, in their finest and best days. I promise you, it will always bring a smile onto your face rather than tears in your eyes. 

Our departed loved ones would want us to live life. Grieving is how we show how we truly love somebody that was once a physical part of our life. They can still be a part of our lives, even if they are gone from this world, spiritually, and I think that in that sense they live inside us, forever and no one can take or diminish that, not even passing time.

Bye Tito Johnny, rest in peace. I love you. And I will check on my cousins for you. I will miss your laugh the most. Rest in Peace. 

Keratosis Pilaris ....maintenance routine

It has almost been a year and 2 months since I had my worst breakout with KP.

Here I share what I use to maintain my KP free skin, a skin routine of sorts. Stress can cause an occasional breakout on my back but nothing a good dose of Lubriderm for Dry Skin lotion can't fix. I use the 1% hydrocotisone ointment on the breakout area (usually my back) if needed.

I still use my Clearasil Ultra Rapid Action Face Scrub. Mostly twice a day. I use CHI silk infusion serum on my hairline and a good sunscreen with the highest SPF all over my body. Even if I am just at home, I slather this baby on. The drugstore brand usually works for me.

Lately, this summer 2014, I have been using the Studio 35 Beauty Ultimate Healing Lotion to stop itching on the rest of my body. As soon as I feel an itch coming on, I squirt a dallop of this lotion on the palm of my hand, rub my palms together and apply on the area where I feel the itch. This has been very effective for me. And sadly because of the scratching that I had been doing during my worst bout with KP in 2013, I have some white spotty areas on my arm that I want to even out the skintone on, here is where I apply the Jergens BB Body perfecting skin cream on. It keeps my skin soft and so far the colors have comeback to what it used to be..I don't apply too much skin I tan easily. I am using the Medium to Deep skin tone version of this cream. I love it. The BB Body I usually apply after my morning shower, my skin just drinks this stuff up and I put a good amount on my thighs since that was where the most concentrated KP I had at that time.

Now this one item can be a little bit tricky..I have a good supply of this soap that I use when I am in a humid country. The 100% coconut oil soap has done wonders for my skin. Humidity can cause excessive drying of the skin if one is not careful. You would think that with all that humidity in the air your skin will always be moistened, not so! Because one sweats it can deplete the vital water on the skin that keeps it supple. Veritas is a brand that I bought in South America. I am sure one can find it here in the USA or in some cases in Asia. I have never looked for them, since I have had a supply of them. This soap is not oily at all when used in the shower. Considering that it is with natural ingredients of coconut oil. It not only is good for my skin but it leaves me feeling clean.

I just wanted to share with you how I have been KP free (almost!) for over a year. It takes diligence and dedication to stay in tuned with your skin. KP tends to show where we least want it to. I love wearing sleeveless tops and if I have KP on my arms, it is embarrassing! I love wearing shorts, who wants KP on their legs and thighs? No one. And most especially KP on the cheeks, horrible! 

I read the labels now of products that I am considering of using. I love lotions and handcreams, there is no stopping me from loving them, I just have to find the right one for me.

And diet is the biggest change I have made to show myself I love the body I am in.

Imperfections are perfectly fine. But if I can irradicate having to live with KP, why not. So this is what my regimen is. Hope this helps you. 

And please, do not scratch!

My Life Lessons...of 2013 (Part 1)

You are not alone. Even if you feel alone, you are never really alone.

Sometimes, life has a funny way of reminding us that during your moments of feeling the lowest of low and loneliness, it is when you need to be by yourself. It is a time of introspection. Sadness which goes hand in hand with loneliness, is a fact of life. They ebb and rise. We need to experience sadness to appreciate life's joyful moments. We choose happiness and we work hard at it. Anything that is of value is worth the work. 

In 2013, I have learned alot about myself and I have learned to bring and find joy so I can be grateful. I am never the kind to be grateful because I am happy at the moment. I find that it is long lasting to be joyful because I am grateful. 

First and foremost, I have confirmed that people in our lives are what matters the most. Things in life that matters the most, are not things at all. Say it if you love someone. Never wait or procrastinate to tell someone you love them, tomorrow may be too late. You will discover that you are at your best when you think of others before yourself. 

You are at the best of your game when you are doing something that comes from the heart. The world needs alot of love. Give until it hurts. For you to find out the answers to the secret of life, you have to live it. Love truly and expect nothing in return. What pain you experience now will be useful to you down the road of life.

Change can be a good thing. Make changes in your routine. Note that things or circumstances don't change, we change. I have been told by a wise man that it is ok to think about yourself and be selfish at times. This is life, it is short, so live it to the fullest. No one will come out alive in this thing called Life. Everyone dies. The sun will come up tomorrow even if you don't. Never settle for anything less than what you know you deserve and have worked hard for, because what I found out is that if you settle for less, you will later on find out you settled for something a whole lot less than what you think you originally settled for. 

We loose people in our lives because they have given us what they needed to give or teach us.We move on, forward. Learn from that. Cherish people not material things and remember to tell those that mean so much to you that you love them, squeeze their hand a little when you say this. Do this when they are still alive. No amount of flowers on their grave or tears will bring them back once they are gone. Grieving is for the living. Some grieve forever and regrets lasts for a lifetime.

Nothing stays the same ever. You see yourself and compare what you can do then to what you can't do now. We age, fact! Others age better than others. The important thing is to hold on to what we treasure that are non-material and don't let age and present situations bring you down. You are never alone. Look deep into your heart and you will find that someone resides in there that have promised you love. Love is what we live for and the thought of dying with love and without regret is the best thing to take to one's grave. To me that is very comforting. I made a note to myself, that wordly possessions after it has served me their purpose is to be shared with others, pass it on. For material things that we possess have a tendency to possess us, if we are not careful.

Love is for the loving, haters will hate. Do not let haters dictate what you are and who you want to be. Don't give them that satisfaction. Haters need love, you see. Do not give them the satisfaction of bringing you down. If you want to fly and soar in life, drop the dead weights that are bringing you down. Stand tall, back straight, stomach in, chest out. Throw in a big smile for good measure. A winner's pose, I call it.

Prayers. You can say a silent prayer to your own choice of Higher Power. Never ask for anything. Prayers are a manifestation and expression of your feeling and the abundance you enjoy in your everyday life. Be thankful for the green trees left on earth, for the singing birds, for the sufferings that help make you stronger, for the trials and tribulations that you are going through, you will find that being thankful is a wonderful feeling. If you always ask for something, sometimes you tune yourself out when the answer is NO. Ask for rain for the places that experience drought, ask for peace on earth, ask for an end to world hunger, asking for something for others is a true measure for one's selflessness. If you are doing this, thank you. Most people say their prayers when they are alone at night, surrender your worries to God, He will be up all night anyways. 

The world is full of sufferings, but remember that strong people come out swinging and recovering from these sufferings, those are our heroes. 

Anger has no room in a loving world. I have found that underneath anger is a person in pain.

When someone says, "I see" or "I understand", what they really mean is "Fuck Off". Think about it.

The world can be barbaric. If you have a chance to make someone smile or feel loved, do it. The world needs a lot of that, everyday. Give people space and room to be by themselves. Everyone needs their "me" time. Respect that.

The life you want to live starts today, not tomorrow. Do what it takes to pave the way to create the life you want to live because if you don't, you will be living the life of someone else other than yours. Now, that is sad.

There are some walks that you need to make alone. Do not fear. Taking a walk by yourself shows strength, not fear. Courage comes from the heart. And those that truly love you will allow you to take this walk alone as they wait for you at the end of the trail. This is a testament of their true love and devotion to you. They trust that you will come out of that walk with scars, cuts and bruises but they are there to tend to your wounds, body and spirit. They have given you the tools to be yourself. And we build relationships using those tools. And you will realize that during that lonesome walk, you find your center, yourself and that you were never really alone.

(part 2)..to be continued

Mr. Darcy to my Elizabeth...

Movies, television, the internet even mere books have given me an unrealistic view on boy-girl relationships.

After seeing the movie with Mr. Darcy and his knee-weakening, ahhh-inspiring, tissue clutching declaration of love to Elizabeth, I mean, I was never the same again. 

But this is not what this post is about...what this is my own version of a list of guys a girl might fall for. I am sure you have your own list of the different types of guys you have had as boyfriends you would fall for but here is mine.

1) The one that introduced you to "love"

     This could be your puppy love. Or it could be someone you were teased with in school. Someone 

      who was just sweet and you had at one time took a second glace at and one of your grade school         friends thought, you liked. Nothing will come out of this but you will always remember this boy

      because if you liked him, he most probably was a "puppy love". You grow out of it.

2) Your first official "bf"

     This would be someone you would meet early on in high school. Someone who said he liked you        and that you might have liked as well. Or you had sought ways to be introduced and then friends         set you two up. It is so rare that high school sweethearts end up getting married either without a          break and be in other relationships before actually ending up together, but I have seen them                  happen. I have seen someone marry their high school sweetheart but have for awhile broken up           and be with someone else before getting back together and eventually getting married. This one          would be the official hearbreak as most likely also be a girl's first kiss.

3) The bad boy

     I think all girls have at one time or another have fanticized about being with a "bad boy". Someone

     their parents will not approve of, someone that just reeks "bad news". I think the excitement of           being with someone forbidden kind of sweetens the attraction.The kind of guy that forgets                   birthdays but girls forgive anyways.

4) The one that you "think" is the One

    This is the one that you had so long wanted. Either you were both in a relationship when you  met 

     or that one of you was unavailable when you meet and then it never was the right time. Or if you        ever were in a relationship, something happened and you parted ways. The girl will then look back

     and think that if she tried harder at that time with a little maturity added for good measure, that            relationship could have worked. Oftentimes, one would even get married with this one but just           like anything that is not meant to be, they part ways.

5) The One..the Mr. Darcy to your Elizabeth

     This is the one every girl thinks and dreams about. The One that she deserves. The one that will          rock her world. And if one is lucky enough to align the stars and with some pixy dust scattered on 

    her with a good dose of good luck, you will meet the One. And like any girl, hopefully even                 between here girlish giggles she will recognize a good thing when it is before and if he really is the     One...Mr Darcy is not that too far behind.

But in the meantime, as we all wait for our Mr. Darcy...we make sure we work on our being the best Elizabeth ever...

Typhoon Yolanda...almost a year after (Part I)

Any natural calamity can break one's heart and spirit but we move on and move forward. To Rebuild. Body and Spirit.

Last year, 2013 November 8th, Typhoon Yolanda hit the Philippines, I was there. I experienced the whole thing..and here I am finally almost a year after; here is my short account of what I experienced. It helps to talk about it. 

I was in the Philippines when Typhoon Yolanda hit on November 8th, 2013. We were warned about the verocity of this Strongest Typhoon ever to hit landfall. It was on the radio days before it was to hit landfall. The television was covering and tracking the storm. But we were never truly prepared for what we were to face. The preparation was immense, at least in our household. We had everything in place. It was terrifying to think that part of the island where I was will be badly hit and the eye of the storm with pass us. The anticipation was excruciating. One minute it was nice and sunny and no signs of any storm in the sky. Not even a gray cloud in sight that morning. Birds were oddly nowhere to be found or heard though. Something was imminently coming. The animals knew something ominous was before us. It was the proverbial, calm before the storm. 

Inside the house, we were hudled in the western part of the old house, the portion that had survived several earthquakes and dozens of typhoons in the past. As we were standing in front of a glass sliding doors, we were checking that the cars were parked inside the open garage. Everyone were making last minute calls for friends outside of the Super Typhoon's area of responsibility.  All our provisions and supplies that would last us for at least 5 days should electricity and water supply be cut off were in place. We had food, candles, matches, cooking gas and range, flashlights, batteries for our radios, our cellphones were fully charged and loads of bottled drinking water. 

We all woke up to a bright and sunny day. The radio kept telling us the the immediate landfall of Typhoon Yolanda has landed in the Eastern part of the Philippines that morning. We were to brace ourselves of it for it will hit our side of the island at noontime. At 10am, I suggested we have an early lunch and be prepared for a blackout. The powerlines will surely be affected by the anticipated strong winds. 

At 11am, the rain started. A little drizzle at first and then the strong winds came. It was coming from east. Strong and howling winds, trees were swaying and then the rain started to come down heavily.

Then exactly at 12noon, the lights went out! No electricity! We were bracing ourselves for the worst. This is it, we all said. So we switched to battery operated radios. I think that radio was on all day. Rain poured endlessly until 3pm. It never stopped. The sky was dark at this time. The wind velocity increased to an all time high, levels we have never seen before. My father even said, "I have been alive for 8 decades and have lived through dozens of typhoons but never like this". I was hugging my father for he was trembling. The water level was also starting to rise. The backyard was now knee deep in water. The house being close to a river have this for a disadvantage. The roads and sewage systems in our islands have no ryhyme or reason to them so people living close to the river have evacuated hours ago. The water level was constantly and steadily rising. It was scary. It rained and it poured some more. The flying debris of roof tops, tree branches, trees that were swaying hours before are now torn and uprooted, blocking and closing all roads and some branches were draped on electricity lines.Transformers on electricity posts were flashing and bursting, crackling with flashes of whatever electricity left on them. Streets were blocked. Mango trees, mahogany trees, and large acacia trees were down. Highways were closed. Not a soul in the street. The wind was still going more than 200miles per hour. The worst is yet to come.

I remember, all that time, not once was I able to sit down. We were moving to the top of the stairs, where we had relocated away from the glass sliding doow, by this time because the water has now completely covered our terraza floor in the backyard. Water inside the house got thigh-high. All cabinets were emptied on the first floor, appliances were on makeshift lifts raising them waist-high. I looked at the mark the last Typhoon Quinta made on the floor, it passed that make about half an hour ago.It was starting to look very bad. In every breath, I would say a silent prayer. There was no stopping the flood.

At 3pm, just like that, the rain and wind stopped. Not even a blade of grass was moving. The silence was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Absolutely nothing was moving. The wrath of the typhoon is not over yet! We were at this time, in the eye of the storm, the radio said. Calm and very quiet. Eerily quiet. Haunting silence. Time stood still as we did. 

At by 4pm, the wind has changed direction it is now coming from the North East a 360degree change in pattern. The Typhoon is now in a different course. It was then that the real destruction began...the rain was pouring again and heavier this time, the wind carried with it water and dousing our windows with it as if taking buckets full of water and pouring it not only down but into the windows. By this time, water was now entering the 2nd floor of the house. The upper level floors of the house was now with water, meaning it was seeping in to our bedrooms. We scramble for towels and throw books that were on window panes on the bed to save them. Each one of us had to run to our own rooms and do the best we can to minimize potential water damage. We used towels and sheets to stop the water from entering through the door and plug windows with thick towels to stop seepage through the window panels.  Even inside the house one can hear the howling of the wind through the hallways. It created a wind tunnel that made hairs on the back of my neck stand. I have never been this scared in my life ever. It was chillingly scary but we moved fast and not stop to think about anything.Just doing what needs to be done, NOW! All I remember saying to everyone was to stay away from the glass windows and doors. The last thing we need are injuries from broken and shattered glass. It was like that until 6pm. We sat down and rested for a little bit. I remember telling everyone in the house that we need to eat so we can stay up all night should the rain continue through the night. Everyone was tired, beyond exhaustion.

At 7pm, I remember having a big mug of coffee, I wasn't hungry. I was exhausted but not hungry. I was working on adrenalin by this time. Hunger was the last thing on my mind. I had my father eat his dinner and said he should try to get some sleep upstairs. I made him a cup of hot tea and said goodnight. I said don't worry tomorrow you wake up and all of this will be over. I said that with my finger's crossed. I prayed as I do every night that at least the casualties should be in the low numbers. People were warned. At least we were prepared.

At 8pm the rain and pounding wind stopped. Just like that.

We stayed up all night in fear that the water was still rising. It didn't. by 11pm the water started receding. That was the first time, I sat down and had my 2nd cup of coffee. I was exhausted. I wasn't able to sleep until around 7am the next morning. 

The intensity of the wind was enough to tear galvanized sheets off the roofs of the homes of  people's whose homes were built with light materials. Some of these sheets landed standing up on the front yard, coming from 3 to 4 houses west of the house. All the yard plants were submerged in water.

After a day, it was time to take stock of what was damaged. But after all things considered, we were lucky. A few minor damages on the house, plants and yard and some floor repairs, we were lucky.

We were able to survive the typhoon. The household was functioning again but sadly in some areas the damage was catastrophic that they had no electricity even months after the typhoon. People were without homes. 

It was difficult to get to places and people you want to check on because there were no cellphone signals, no internet, no landlines for phones, no electricity - nothing. We were isolated for two days because the bridge over the river was damaged as well.  

As soon as I was able to get around with transportation, I did what I could. Family and friends as well as strangers, came together to extend help the best way we know how, in our own little and simple ways.

Below are some of the pictures I took after the typhoon. Some photos are places we went to and helped out.

It was through the Yolanda Relief that I met some wonderful children and new friends. In the end, we are all in this together.

I focus on the positive here. Negativity never brought anything good to anyone. Especially not after a calamity of this magnitude.

 For all those that had sent help to the Philippines for the Typhoon victims, I thank you. The scope of this calamity is mind-blowing and the world responded fast, with kindness and great heart. 

A year after Yolanda we are still rebuilding and the scars on nature are still visible but we learn to live with the scars. Filipinos hopefully have learned something from this devastation. It will heal in time but the scars still remain and that is just a fact of life. We dust ourselves off and get up because crawling here is not an option. We get up and rebuild together.

 Our simple relief program. Family and friends came together to give basic needs to areas affected by Typhoon Yolanda.

 My vehicle was loaded with 1/2 a ton of bagged relief goods. My first trip was made 3 days after the Typhoon.

Children were treated to a feeding program to help them forget their trauma of the typhoon.

Becoming Vegetarian

It was a personal decision.

The day I decided to become a lacto-ova vegetarian was a day of enlightenment. I will not bore you with stories, statistics and names of people that are vegetarians and how they did it but rather render and speak about my personal decision to become one. 

It is not as hard as one might think. Really!

One day, I just decided to just DO IT! And there is no turning back after that. I have oscillated and debated (not sure if I have the personal constitution aka guts to see this through) about it for months. I was thinking how I will miss meat, free range chicken and fresh fish. By golly, I come from a place that get fresh seafood, daily! I have access to the best shellfish and tropical fish. I have lived on fish alone for close to a year (2013). But the thought of becoming a vegetarian took some mental commitment. I am the type of person with my head squarely planted on my shoulder.

First, I was eating meat once a week and fish once a week too, mostly on Mondays (freshly caught) and free range chicken once a week as well (mostly on Wednesdays). And then I switched and ate only chicken or fish twice a week, for a month. I survived without the meat. Ha! It wasn't that bad. The less I ate of these meat products the less I craved them. I was weaning myself of it, one might say.

What I had and I should really emphasize and mention, is a great system of support. 

In Asia, though I was surrounded by meat lovers, they never insisted or commented on my choice to just eat fish and no meat whatsoever.

When I got the US, I gave myself a month to "indulge" my last cravings of meat. And then, I stopped. Pardon the pun, but I did it, cold turkey.

The conscious decision to cut meat, chicken and fish out of my daily diet - was a year in the making. One has to be ready for the gradual or in some cases drastic change; but I did it, just like that (in a snap of a finger, here!). There were no more cravings of meat. I see a hamburger and I no longer salivate. I see Mexican food and I am ok to order a dish without any form of meat products on it. I have been introduced to a better selection of food that are better for me. My commitment to take better care of my body was non-negotiable, and now is the beginning of my future health plan, not tomorrow but NOW.

Being vegetarian for me also meant giving up soda. Though I consume yogurt, butter and eggs, I do not eat ice cream. 

My skin has cleared up beautifully and I sleep better. I am resting very well and I get that deep sleep I remember only having as a little girl. I have cut back on do or die exercising just my yoga routine.

What I found out is that the world of vegetarianism and the selection of recipes are endless. I stepped into a whole new world. I am loving the exploring stage. The only investments I constantly make is with my time (and dedication).  In a country with endless supply of organic veggies, free range eggs and organic yogurt it has been easier than I thought. Going to the grocery requires a grocery list and I stick to it. I get grains and beans or egg for my source of protein. Tofu is my new best friend. Woohoo, for tofu! Produce and fruits are great for the digestive system. I get dried and fresh fruits to replace my cravings for sweets. I still get chocolates (rarely) but no more ice creams nor pies for me because I am also cutting back on my sugar intake. Less sugar, less calories.

Trader Joe's grocery avails me with soy based products. I love their brand of "soy-rizo". I tell you this thing tastes like chorizo but with no meat whatsoever. Now, how great is that?!  I buy cheese (lacto), kefir and yogurt (with 100 or less calories) for breakfast and then I make the best salads using bleu cheese and non-gluten dressing only. I load it up with carrot shavings, beansprouts, pumpkin seeds or dried cranberries. I also use pine nuts, at times. My guilty pleasure when I make these salads is a hard boiled egg. I mean the salad is a meal in itself. I also try to cutback on rice and bread consumption. If I want to eat bread I choose wheat based bread, non-gluten. 

I do not obsess about the food that I no longer consume. My appetite has diminished quite a bit and loving the benefits of it when it comes to weight loss. I drink my weight in water, daily. I read labels closely now. I did not want to go on a diet, I lost a lot of weight last year and I did not like how sickly looking I was. People thought I was ill or something. I got a lot of compliments about my extreme weight loss yet no one said anything about how gaunt I looked. And I saw it myself. I obsessed about exercising and counting every single morsel of food I put into my body, but I was still stuffing myself with unhealthy things. All in the name of loosing weight. That insanity had to stop! Yes, I was thin but I looked older and with wrinkly and dry skin! And really, who wants that? Being a certain smaller size does not guarantee healthy, and above anything else I wanted to be healthy, not just skinny. I wanted a change in lifestyle and that means starting with the nourishment that I put into my body. The fuel that gets into my body is clean and I like it. I felt more comfortable about who I am and what I am eating. Clears the cobwebs of my mind. I do not have to fight temptation when it comes to food because I am doing the right thing for me, in my own terms, my own way and pace and with my own moral reasons.

My love for food had dwindled to an all time low. Now I eat as much as I can (fruits and veggies) in the duration of a day but I make sure there are no processed meat involved.

I am not selling the idea of vegetarianism here. Please, do not get me wrong. What this post is about is a personal account of why I have gone this route. Hormonal changes in me have in a way been a big factor on why I am a vegetarian. Skin and hair health were also contributing factors. I wanted to have a goodnight sleep, every night.

If anything and for whatever it is worth, it is important to have the support of people around you. For me they can eat as much meat as they want but as much as I do not comment about what they eat, I expect them to respect my choice and accord me the same respect as I give them. Those that cheer you on is where you draw your strength. My "R" is so kind and loving in his support to this personal endeavor. We talk about why this is very good for me. Before I can love others, I am cognizant that I have to love myself and that entails taking very good care of myself. He has been a good grounding influence to me. He knows and compliments me along the way. Good words from him lifts my spirits, you know.

I am resolved to this change. And have found that this type of change can be a very, very good thing.

And I take it ..one day, another day at a time...

25 random facts about me

I have been blogging for sometime now and would like for readers who happen to pass by my blog to know a little bit more about the woman (me) behind these pages...

I am...

1) Asian
2) aspiring to be a full-time vegetarian
3) a farmer and loving it!
4) a Journalism graduate
5) fascinated with Europe (people, museums, scenery and cuisine)
6) in love with Amsterdam, Paris and Italy
7) a devoted friend to my high school bestie
8) into lotions (be it face, hand, body or hair)
9) sporting a very short hair
10) a yoga fiend
11) rediscovering the wonders of greek yogurt
12) into makeup ( I like nude and natural looks with an occasional cat-eye)
13) happiest when travelling
14) a collector of purses
15) non-traditional in a lot of ways
16) into crossword puzzles and everything involve learning words
17) an InStyle Magazine reader
18) a Netflix addict
19) a Moscato fan
20) more of a shower person than a bath person
21) not one to forgive so easily
22) the apple of my father's eye
23) a pragmatist
24) with my "R"
25) hoping to someday write a book about all the nonsense I have stored in my head