tada da da dan dan...where everybody knows MY name...

Yesterday, I was all around town doing errands. And it was just like any other ordinary California Monday, except as the day progressed, I felt alot lighter - happier even. Please allow me to share with you why.

When I am in the US, my frame of mind is different than if I were anywhere else. I have lived here more than half of my life and I see people around town that take the time to remember me and let us be honest about it - when people remember you by name or take the time to ask for your name - by golly it feels good!

Okay, I go to the bank and everyone I know asks me about my weekend. Cora said I looked very good parting my hair in the middle. At the post office - the person that helped me asked me to close my eyes because she liked the way I did my eyeshadow application. When I went to a grocery store, the cashier said - if I forgot to buy Snapple (she remembered the flavor I prefer), I told her I was there to get something else. I went to Target, the guy I buy my phone minutes from says he recognizes me from previous visits and can help me in the electronics department since there was a long line with the cashiers up front.

My makeup purveyor was asking me when I am leaving again for my next trip. My hairdresser knows almost everything there is to know about me and my hair. The cook at my new Mexican taco stand - Rolando - knows that when I buy something there - I like my order with just a little bit of sour cream and loads of guac, and never with extras I do not like on my rolled taquitos.

I have friends here who gets worried when I am in town and I do not call them to meet for coffee or lunch or visit their house or something. I like the feeling that I have people around me that know my name.

It feels good, it feels very, very good to have all these acquaintances and friends around me. My friend, Missy, gets reall worried when I do not spend time with her and the kiddies. Funny Missy.

I like being in California. Being here makes me feel good.

I can hear the the diddy go...tada da da dan dan...where everybody knows your name...

Things are looking up.

Great moments of our lives never return.

Sometimes we tend to just focus on what is not happening that we fail to see what we have actually accomplished and are capable of accomplishing.

John Lennon said - Life is what happens when we are busy making plans. How true that is. We over plan, we over think and we miss what our life has to offer. I miss that point sometimes and so it gives me great comfort when reality pokes me at time to remind me to get on with the living.

As I get older I tend to really forget all the great times that I had in the past, it happens to me subconsciously, for I do not make an effort to forget. I just simply... forget.

A testament to my not living in the past, I guess - which can be a good thing or a bad thing depending on how you see or interpret it - but to me, it is a good thing. I resolve that since great moments in life never return, I just make new great moments today and then be really there at that very moment when it happens in the future.

I do not linger on what might have been anymore or where the blame lies and why things are happening they way they do around me - even if it saddens me. I have discovered that in my case bad memory is a blessing. I am not speaking about bad times in life -we all have those but what I am referring to are the good times as well. Good times in the past should remain there - untouch and untainted, and forgotten. They were great during that moment but it will never happen again. So why live there or why relive it? For what purpose?

We are here amongst the living to make memories for the living not for the past. It might sound cold to others but if you really think about it - it is today and now that matters; for it will pave for the good memories for tomorrow and if we ever forget - we still hold on not to the fading memories but the wonderful feeling that will surely last us a lifetime. That is what I am talking about.

Please note that I am not talking about history here - this is just plain personal memories we are talking about.

I have had some great memories in my past and I am for life grateful for them but I would like to make new happier great memories from this point forward.

A wise advise given to me goes like this - In life, beginnings are usually scary and endings are usually sad, but it is what is in the middle that counts the most. I think in the middle of it all, we are given numerous and endless chances to create great memories with different people, places and time and we should do it over and over again - create new great memories, I mean.

The old great memories will never return and it is for the best I believe because then maybe if we keep reliving memories in the past we will stop making new opportunities for ourselves and for others to create new ones. For anything short of what has not happened yet - might not be good enough and so why even try - so in that sense we already failed.

Here's to new great memories!

Autumn is officially here..

Oh trust me on this...autumn is here.

After weeks and weeks of intense heat, yesterday it drizzled in Southern California. And as soon as the first droplets started falling I headed home - let's face it Californians do not know how to drive in the rain. And last night it was cool night breeze that was blowing the drapes in my bedroom. I slept a slumber night. It felt good.

As my goodbye to summer or '09, I celebrated with a very nice cold Sapporo beer - now that was a delight. And I had with that a pollo asado torta - with guacamole and lettuce. Delightful and delicious dinner. I think I licked my lips twice and my fingers once. It was good to say goodbye to summer.

And autumn had a nice start. Time to change wardrobe, as always. But let it be said that I am one of those who even in the dead cold of winter I am walk around with open- toed sandals.

Autumn means leaves will start falling soon and the trees will change color, always a spectacular sight. And then Halloween will come ...the holidays are just around the corner. And this year I choose to be the happiest I have ever been during these time of year. I have almost forgotten how much fun I used to have during the months of October all the way to December.

It will be the best months of 2009 yet.

Autumn a time of change and I welcome that.

I too believe....Happiness is a Choice

I have been "recovering" these last week or so from an incident that had brought me deep sadness.

Allow me to give you an insight on why it is taking me longer to get over this particular incident - I believe I was misjudged. Not for what I had said but for what I was perceived to have meant with what was said. There lies the agony of where my heart hopes to hurdle and get past.

Things have been said and could never be taken back. Where scars used to be, now new wounds take their place.

Now it brings me to this post...I believe Happiness is a Choice. And I declare that I do not believe in happy endings, not anymore. I just work on having as many happy days as I can. I strive to surround myself with the love that is not there to measure or judge me for what is perceived to be my shortcomings bu judge me (if it really needs to be done) for what I really am, for what I really say and what I really mean with what I say.

Simple really yet very profound, Happiness is a choice.

And as much as I choose to be happy, sometimes I have to be part of other's unhappiness, unfortunately by association.

And sometimes, I too suffer because of other's unhappiness -misery loves company as they say.

But I keep telling my self, the choice is mine and I should not loose focus on that. And I take that choice. I want to be happy, simple happiness. No agony and no heartbreaking misjudgements. There is nothing worst than telling another person how short they came to one's expectation; or so I thought - until it happened to me, and there is indeed a worst part to that - is that for a short period of time I believed it. That deepened my sadness.

I will keep on working on just having happy and very good days. Happy endings are just what fairytales say at the end to nicely tie the story in a neat and pretty bow. In real life, dog eat dog. It is tough making it here and sometimes, I just have to take a very deep sigh, exhale and make the resolution that those who choose to be unhappy are people that are not for me. I choose to be happy.

I could not avoid being unhappy at times, but as a rule, I will not let unhappiness be the norm of me anymore.

The best thing about being single is, you have to take stock of yourself and do it on your own. No one is expecting anything from me. I need not excel for others, I have to excel only for me. If I can look at myself in the mirror every morning without shame, I know I am a decent person. Misjudged or not - my conscience is clean, I can live with that.

If other's expectation of me are not met, maybe they were not clear to me or to them from the very beginning. Cannot do anything about that.

To be misjudged is the most hurtful thing a sane person can undergo. It is agonizing to even attempt to explain oneself. Sometimes, we just close doors and pretend somethings never happened but deep down it is still there. i still hurts.

People grow distant and cold, and it is not because of no reason, there is a reason. We just have to know our part in it. And sometimes, we grow past it. Other times, we grow further apart because of it. No happy endings, like I said.

Just another happy day for me, and so far that has been enough to get me through. Tough but I'll live. Happiness is a choice.

My latest post

I will take a few more days off from blogging. I am just so weary of having to apologize and being sorry all the time, and rather than posting a long rant and rave about how I feel here. I will try to snap myself out of it before I blog ever again.

Best of luck of everyone out there.

Another day will be fading out for now.

Why...

• do we think that keeping silent is a sure way of telling someone something?
• do people say it has to be broken to be fixed?
• do cracks count as being broken?
• do we always say - look at it from my point of view?
• does it take a moment of anger for us to reveal the truth?
• do we seek perfection on things we cannot control?
• do we think we have to hear an apology in order to forgive or be forgiven?
• do we think with our hearts and not with our minds?
• do our feelings get in the way of thinking rationally?
• do we need to explain if we are misunderstood?
• do we think that there is an answer/solution to every question/problem out there?