And then...

Man, a lot of things can happen in 15 days.

I apologize sincerely to the few people who really follow my blog :-) for my long absence, things are just in a lull lately and there is my spanish class to study for and other "stuff" to keep at bay.

Well let us see...there is today's bailout plan that failed in the US Congress, there was that news of Scarlett J. Reynolds being married to Ryan, there was the passing of Paul Newman and the plummeting of the stock markets worldwide...what a melange of events, and I would like to say that most of these happened in one day or 3 days tops. Wow, indeed.

I do not like to state my politics overtly because I leave that to the pundits who really know who or what they are talking about or can really fool us to think that.

I am just now certain more than ever that November's election is very important to me because my child's future is hanging on the balance here. The next working generation might not know it yet but if Mommy and Daddy do not vote this time, forget a "future" financially, we are going down the drain - literally.

I might live in Buenos Aires majority of the year but deep down I am still an American citizen. There is no use denying that. My child is there, born and raised in the US of A. I am a Filipina by birth and love that country still but I think I know where I really want to be.

I am not saying anything bad about Argentina, it is just that I am still learning the country and its people, it might take me sometime to do that, but I am willing and able. But at this moment, USA is my country of allegiance. People who speak ill of that country only define it by the bad governing of some and they fail to see how wonderful and kind people there can be. After all, I do have friends there that I care very deeply about. People I do not talk alot about but keep in constant communication with because there is a connection that distance cannot separate.

The chaos in the US, please allow me to say this is a self-correcting process that has to happen to remind everyone that when things are not what should be, nature will take its course and correct what needs to be straightened out to keep the balance of things. Monetary, financial or government wise. There is always a time for everything and everything has its time. I think more sacrificing is in the way. What the US feels now is also felt around the world because whether we like it or not the market has been global for quite sometime and when one major player falls ill everyone catches the fever.

Christmas is coming, I hope people who had thought so much about themselves lately would think about others for a change. And maybe we can all avoid this mess we are in right now.

Well....and then reality kicks in...money you know is not the root of all evil but it IS THE LOVE for money that is the root of all evil.

Do we really think that Argentina does not feel the ill effects of what happened in the US?

I thought for a moment there the stock market here in Buenos Aires also went down. But maybe I too am mistaken.

Another day...sooner, I promise.

Ciao.

The Quest for Happiness and Forgiveness

This weekend was extra special. "R's" best friend, "C" came over for dinner, spent the night and then cooked asado for us the morning after. If it was any other person, it would have just been a simple sleep over (though at this age, I doubt it if they call it that anymore) but since it was "C" it meant extra special to "R". I am not going into the details of the friendship but I too have only known "C" by association. All these years I have a special spot in my heart for "C". He embodies a virtue that I would only wish to achieve (a quarter of) in this life time, and that he finds perpetual happiness in every little thing even the darkest moments that life can throw him. Like a cat, no matter how you throw and toss the cat around, they always land on their feet - "C" is like that. He is always generous with this smile and the warmth in this hugs and his soft, kind and tender words; all in spanish of course. Everytime I think of him and how he is one of the few people in my life that when I hug and I say, I missed you or that I love you, I really mean it from the bottom of my heart. There is no lying with "C". He is so true to me as "R's" lady that I can not help but reciprocate the "realness" that is in him. He left in the afternoon after a sumptous lunch, "R" took him back to the city. I never hesitate to tell "C" that I want him to know that I love him. Life is so short and that you never know when that person might ever see you again. He is one special person and in his heart he always has that smile.

One thing I really have been drawing some spiritual strength from lately is my church. I go to church at the city close to our house outside of BsAs. At first I decided to start going to church because I have always done it as a little girl and then during my stint in the US, I would attend it during Thanksgiving, Christmas and birthdays. But when I found this church in the outskirts of the city in the suburbs, I knew I found what I was looking for. It was always in me, the need to connect to a more spiritual level. I went to school run by nuns most of my academic life. I grew up in a Catholic home. The first few times I went to this church ( remember I am still learning spanish) I copied everyone in what they said and what they did. Prayers pretty much are universal and the celebration of Holy Mass has taken on a new meaning for me, lately. Church is my refuge when I am about to loose control of myself during situations that bring me sadness and verge of frustration. I went to church today. Knowing I needed it more than before. I went to bed the night before (Saturday) thinking I will attend Mass the next day. But the morning of, I knew I had to go badly. The day was not starting out right as I had thought it would. So before I could say anything I would regret, I took a deep breath and decided to get ready for church. The best decision I have made today. I needed to feel and dedicate the sacrifice and hear the affirmation that as long as I can I will make the sacrifice for the love that is good.

Sometime now, "R" and I would be in a situation that we are not both happy at the same time. Church has been very good for me and my spirit. I like going alone. I need that connection for myself and so far "R" has been very respectful of this request of mine.

I pour my heart out in prayers. I feel at home when I am in church. My sacrifices and self control has more meaning and are validated. I see the bigger picture now, even if others around me do not. I understand better why I have to be the one to make the sacrifice and not expect others to make them for me. Today the sermon after the Holy Gospel was about Forgiveness ( how appropriate is that !) . It struck a cord in me and in my heart when I was listening to this and I understood every word the priest was saying. Forgiveness is an act of love, he said. Those who do not ask for forgiveness when they have done you wrong - do not really love you. And unless they do ask you for forgiveness, those people only love you conditionally. Love like what we hear about in church is unconditional. And when you truly love someone you have to learn to forgive. People only quest for THEIR happiness and everytime you do something wrong, it displeases them and that makes them unhappy. And unhappiness likes company. But who thinks about you? Love that is shared in the celebration of Mass, has made me understand that my happiness does not depend on another person, it is within me. And I have to be happy to bring happiness to others. I have to know how to forgive so when someone comes and asks for forgiveness I would know what to give and I too shall know how to ask for forgiveness. Whom you forgive is not important. You have to forgive those that have hurt you. That is the only kind of forgiveness there is.

Today, I have for the first time my thought was confirmed that people who are around me do not define me, I define me. There are people out there that cannot stand me to be happy, they find ways to create some unhappiness in my life. I have forgiven then, for not to forgive them is weak. And I am not weak. The attribute of forgiveness is for the strong, Gandhi stated that. The feeling of jubilation when I learn lessons that enlighten my thinking, fulfill my life are precious. I have found a home for my body but I my life will be enriched that I have found a home for my heart and spirit. Moments like this make any burden I have in my heart lighter. Wow, I thought, how perfect could going to church be. It was like my prayers and my seeking for guidance was heard and here I was sitting in the last pew at church and the sermon is addressed to me. Talk about divine powers!

This weekend was very good to me because I went to church.

I could not wish for a better way to end my Sunday.

Ciao.

The devil is in the details!

The weekend - it was a learning experience. My "R" and I are good, very good. We have "hiccups" in our relationships every now and then, but it keeps us both real. I learn from what any heartache I go through and I am sure he does as well. Forgiveness is the pillar to any relationship, I have read somewhere. And as long as there is the true and devoted love we have to each other (not to anyone else -but to each other) I am sure it would take a lot to dissolve this relationship of ours! He and I, rock! So there, forgiveness, sacrifice and understanding can really go a long way.

Then today is Thursday - though it reminds us all of the Sept 11, 2001, I conquered a big task today. I drove from the burbs to the City of Buenos Aires (Belgrano); all by myself (and 2 CDs on the player!). I made it. Unbelievable. And yeah, it was raining, did I mention that? It was.

All I can say is - it was great. I never liked driving much but today was an adrenalin-pumping trek. I loved it! I called "R" after I had gotten to my place and the car is safely parked at the parking garage around the block. Boy, was it great. The traffic is as usual but I had a great time with it. It kept me alert and driving in safe speed made the travel good.

Now the sun is out. After a very grayish morning it is sunny at 2pm. Today is a memorable day for me, I was able to go to the city and drive through the labyrinth of traffic and fast and slow cars and get here to my place - what a day. I loved the challenge and a little fear helped me immensely. It was a test and I hope to repeat the experience tomorrow.

"R" would be so proud. And I kept hearing the voice of "R's" Dad, saying years ago that I can do it and that I have no fear. I do but it served me very well. I was driving as I know I would. Oh yeah and it helped that in the Philippines people sort of drive like the same way here :-)

Well, that is my update for now. Diet is going well, missed 2 days of yoga but will make up for one tonight and tomorrow I do the stairmaster.

Veggies are great and I eat just a tad bit of meat now; but I still love the cheeses and fruits.

See you another day, k?

Ciao.

When it rains, it pours....

Not sure why I titled this post as such but I think it is relevant to what I am going through right now. When it is aches we are talking about I have had a deluge of them lately, but when good things happen, it also comes in abundance...so when it rains..it pours..
Thank you very much, but my lunch was so good. A very good crispy but sweet pear and some slices of mortadella with pistachio and a good (5) selection of hard cheeses. Lunch was very good! I had water. Laterly, my lunch has been going through a major overhaul because of the diet I am in. Lunch is to be filling but not carb heavy at all. Sometimes I have steamed veggies, good too with some grated reggiano parmesan...yummy!
Oh, last night as I was steaming some very crunchy asparagus, I thought, people who think they are stuffing themselves with pastries, cakes, candies, bread and soda are having the most of life, they are so wrong...now I know that. It is not inexpensive to go on a life altering diet. Veggies, cheese, tofu, good chicken (with out skin) and good beef and excellent fruits cost money. I was thinkning if people had more money they would be on a diet. Don't you think?
I am not here to tell you that having a svelte body is the reason I went on this diet. My doctor of a father wanted to make sure I was doing it for the right reason (notice, I did not say, reasons). And I am, for health reason only. Now that I am on this diet, and excercise regimen, I have more energy for longer walks and not sleepy in the afternoon. I can concentrate more when reading and I sleep better. And I thought it was great that I started this diet in Argentina, because the selection of fruits and veggies here (and very good quality - at least from my own verdulero) is optimum to my goals. The sweet cravings was something I was worried about but with oranges and mandarin oranges that are sweeter than sweet, who needs alfajores?! And then I do not have the craving for soda, since I have been off them for 3 years and then one day I picked up a Pepsi and I was downhill from there 2 months.
Well it is Friday and we are off to the burbs. I am looking forward to quality time with my "R". My skin feels great and looks great, the countryside will surely help me more on that regard. I promise to relax this weekend, and not let anything get between me and the good time I will have with "R".
My meals for the weekend are pre-planned and that is the best way to go about dieting I think. Pre-plan so you do not end up eating whatever is handy and those usually are not very good for me. I do not have any cookies, crackers or sweets in the house. Don't have them, won't eat them, you know?
So, let us see what the next few days bring. I miss my "R" and I know he misses me - he tells me. So here we go...I am sure being together in one house will help our predicament. I will just try to focus on what I need to do for our UNIT and get that stronger and things will fall into place. Things always work out for the best, you know.
It will be good I know, it surely could not be any worse than being away and apart from each other. Coz for two people who so belong together, we have been spending alot of time apart. Not good, not good at all. So here we go..
See you Sunday? Another day, y'all.
Ciao.

For a Wednesday, it was not bad; it was pretty good, if I might say so myself.

Wednesday was a pleasantly full of suprises.

Well, I started fairly early, got up and did the yoga for 15 minutes and then shower and then some "work". Emails, homework, etc.

"R" was kind, very kind to ask if I think there is something on the Fujisan restaurant on Mendoza at Chinatown that would suit my diet, and after a couple of seconds, I said "yes" and so off we went to Chinatown. We took el colectivo 15. It stops right in front of the restaurant from where we took the bus. The resto "cerrado" was actually open. We sat and enjoyed a very nice and peaceful but sweet (lovely) lunch together. He seemed to like his food and I had to give him my rice (not allowed in my diet) and then some extra here and there. My te verde frio was actually good but he liked his Oolong iced tea better (rojo frio, the called it on the menu). Then to top that lovely lunch we went to the Chinese store across the street from the resto to look for his Oolong tea. Well I made this suggestion to go to our usual Chinese Store, well they did not have it there too. I ended up getting alfalfa sprouts, dill and then 1/2 of a small cabbage - salad ingredients and some for stir fry veggies.

Then he took me home and we did a quick errand together, I had to go to the store to get some meat for dinner (and maybe lunch for the next day). And then we said "adios, chau, bye".

He left and I headed back home and finished my homework (spanish), well when I looked up the clock it said 6pm or something a little past. I had to text "R" to ask if I am seeing him today coz tomorrow is a very crazy busy (his terms, not mine) day. There are furniture to be delivered and received at various locations. I am not seeing him tomorrow coz of this, so for Wednesday it was not bad , it was pretty good if I may say so myself.

I am happy and tomorrow is another day.

Ciao. Take care. Toodles!

Updates..

Hi y'all. So far the diet is coming along very well, have good energy during the day, not lethargic in the afternoon, no craving for sweets or chocolate in mid-afternoon and I sleep much better, now that I am eating healthier. And for good measure, I threw in a 15-20 minute yoga stretching routine in the mix. I feel very good before that morning shower. There is nothing like a very good sweat before a nice cooling shower.

There is one 'indulgence' I cannot quite get rid of - morning coffee. Well, no cigarettes, no bread, no sweets of any kind, no pasta, no soda, no alcohol - and others, at least a cup of coffee in the morning is okay - for now... at least. All my eating modification (diet) successes in the past always included coffee, my body I think is fueled with coffee and not blood..jajaja..

Now, regarding my "R" and our "situation" (notice how all are in quotation marks?) well, there is nothing to update, we are at an impasse. Not forward but not backwards, and definitely nothing sideways. Status Quo - I am not too fond of this stage on anything that pertains to life. As a Pisces, it is not my nature to standstill. Born under the sign of the fish, I never actually "swim" backwards, always forward. Vamos a ver! We will see what progress we will have this week.

Now for my spanish class - it was wonderful a delight, the positive thing lately that has happened to me. I did this long essay type homework, and I did it all by myself. My professor was very pleased with the effort and my writing style. I did not stick to simple sentences, I elaborated and was successful at it. I made some simple mistakes but I was able to use some " big words" that were outside of my comfort zones but loved every moment of the writing process; I had fun writing it (I am a journalism graduate after all) and sharing it with my teacher. We both had fun learning about his particular topic of my homework, the city of Manila.

Oh, I spoke with my father in the Philippines, needed to hear his voice and love. He is the only person that loves me without if, ands or buts about it. I am stronger today because I spoke with him yesterday. There is something to be said about people who loves you and does not ask any questions or declares statements that make love conditional. My father is the greatest!!

Well, that is all for now. I am working on tomorrow's homework, lots of reading and memorizing, but I have some very good music on and no interrruptions. Then lunch and then maybe a longer than usual walk around my neighborhood.

Hoping that "R" does not ask to visit me today. Just much better if we take our time and wait until we have real longer time together than just a minute here and there; not so nice feeling on my part when as soon as he arrives, he looks at this watch and figures what time he needs to leave. Again, I am just hoping "R" does not ask to visit me today. But if he does, I am sure he will be quick, so no prob. I have loads of reading and studying to do, in all honesty. And tomorrow, I know I will not see him, he is off to the burbs.

I cannot even begin to plan for the weekend, it is only Wednesday. Friday is a couple of moons away.

I liked the goodtimes better than the badtimes we are having right now. What we have no suck, big time. (sigh).

Another day...

Ciao.

Heartache shared is half the pain, but happiness shared is doubled!

It has been a tough day. A nagging thought will not go away. I tried to go to sleep last night but cannot shake this thought. Today, Monday marks one week since I decided to stay in the city for a little bit longer than desired. My "R" and I hardly spent 6 full hours together in the last 8 days.

Where is all this going? It could not be good for the "unit". We are falling apart in the seams. Being apart is never good for any relationship.

There is enough blame for everyone to share on this situation, and I am sure even "R" will agree with that.

Not sure what solution will be taken this time. I leave in a few weeks.

That nagging thought just will not go away. (sigh).