What being part of "two-gether" means to me..

   My R and I were on a trip together, or as I would spell it, "two-gether".

   I am not referring to our life-trip with each other but suitcase and airplane tickets kinda trip.

   The photo above was taken with my cellphone. I am not sure he remembers this particular shot but I decided to post it here anyway, as a gesture and testament that we are still together; and trying to travel that life-trip hand in hand or in this case, side by side, shoes by shoes.

   It is difficult to be apart from him. Recovery stands still and stagnant at times. Even worse at times, as well. Distance may make the heart grow fonder but it oftentimes the separation can leave you cold. I try my best to hold on to what really matters but to be apart from him, makes the struggle hard, lonesome and difficult to bear.
 

   I write this post hopeful as ever that in a short period of time, he and I will be next to each other again. It is difficult to forget, you see. Maybe, I just have to think forward and remind myself of that each time my heart aches and my mind plays tricks on me. It is quite a task to make sense of something that doesn't make sense.

   Oh God, I would hate to think that we are at our relationship's best when we are miles apart.
  

   The trip we took, opened my eyes to several things and what remained constant is that, I might like to think and make myself believe that I am healing, I am not. I still have my bad days and am not sure how to get past that rut!

  

   I sit here and I look at this photo as I ponder..I am grateful for the opportunity to travel with him and the chance to learn about "where I am" now - with myself and my healing process. It gets tough each passing day. I try to be cheerful and not dwell so much on negative thoughts but it will have to be the both of us two-gether that will help me get through all this "garbage".

 

   For me, as long as my heart says, I love him, I will be with him..being a part of someone means I have to face my demons and hold strong onto the years that got us to where we are now. Never giving up on what makes us both the happiest. Patience was never one of my virtues, and it is about time I start working harder on that.

 

   To me, togetherness is being there for each other during tough times and lending a hand. Good times are better times, but bad times when survived together can only makes us stronger.

 

   I am miles and miles away from him..and the miles between us compounded by time can take it's toll in any relationship. But when I hear and see his " I love you", I believe them. I do. And those words simple, gets me through most of my tougher days.

 

   I hope one day soon, a day would pass by and not a tinge of ache crosses my heart. It is never easy to heal from a broken heart..nobody had died from it, I am told, it just feels like death comes and engulfs you each time you remember and a tear trickles down your cheek. It still hurts. But as I smile and wipe that tear away, I think I am a little tougher and a little better.

 

   The trip we took, showed me how far I have gone from the horrendous point of despair and how much further I still have to go. I am ready and willing to go through the whole process not just for our relationship but also for what we have worked so hard for and fought for all these years.

 

    Two-gether means being one. The smiles, laughter and tears we experience as one. We lift each others spirit when one is down and if we must, we carry each other when one is unable to go on.

 

    Growing up is never easy. But I cannot see myself growing old without my R. It is not what happened to me that will define me, it is what I do, after I dust myself off, that will define me. Not easy but again, growing up is never easy.

    I see myself with no one else but R. He is worth the fight.
   Two-gether means, R and I. Shoes, side by side.