You can take the...

You can take the Filipina out of the Philippines but you cannot take the Philippines out of this Filipina.

How true that is! Today I found out that though I have lived in the US for more than half my life, I still long for the Filipino food that I grew up with. I do not know what the heck they are called but I cooked that dish today ( pork, soy, garlic, oil and a tad bit of sugar, bay leaves) and I cooked rice - I mean Yummers!! The dish is sweet (uh - duh! there is sugar!!) but it was great.

I have been thinking more about the Philippines lately. My family is still there and part of my heart is still there. My father is still there and I miss him more each passing day.

Being in Argentina, makes it a tad difficult to be in so many places at one time. I have "M" in the US , my father in the Philippines and then my "R" in Argentina (though he is traveling at this time). I am trying to make it here and it can be tough at times like today. It is never simple and it is never easy when your heart is torn with the uncertainty and it being pulled in all directions.

Hmmm....I have been missing the Philippines lately that cooking has been a good source of solace for me. I have the aroma envelope me and I feel being at home again...as a little girl, feeling so secure and life is not as complicated as it is today. I miss those days. The innocence of it all.

I live in Buenos Aires because my "R" lives here and I am trying to get some work done here myself. It is just harder on some days, you know. Adapting to the US when I first came from the Philippines was not this hard; I had cousins with me for one, I had a job, I had a car, I spoke the language. I am a social and mobile person - well here -it can be tough. I do not know...my food smells very good as it is cooking....I wish you can smell it. My grandmother used to cook this for me when I was a little girl, she knew I liked this dish a lot and serves it with steaming hot white rice. I can close my eyes and hear the sounds at the dinner table almost, I can hear her coming to the table and dishing out the food and she always served me first. Yes, I can hear the water filling my glass and the cluttering of the utensils..I can hear a faint closing of the casserole in the kitchen and a loud sound of the chair being dragged away from the table - my brother sits to the left opposite me from the table, he always dragged the chair when pulling it away from the table...my father is home and he is headed to the kitchen to wash his hands before dinner. ....

I miss that feeling of innocence...no worries about life, no responsibilities, no pain, no heartache...I will always be there even when I am not and I will always wish I was there but they also say that "you never really come home again" and that is true, my grandma is gone, my own Yaya is gone, my mother is gone and we are all grown with families of our own - it would never be the same "home" again. I wish for purest of times. And the truth is I will never have it back....and boy am I glad I so enjoyed those times so much that I can relive it in my mind and heart just by closing my eyes...Memory lane always starts with so much fun and then reality sinks in...I mean really sticks in to you...I love it then and I love it now...I just live and live...I like to think about the past but I am definitely living for the present, for there is not telling what tomorrow brings.

And that is one thing I enjoy about life, there are no guarantees and you never know how this life story will end - I think that is the most exciting thing of all. The unknown is as positive as you can make it or as negative as you want it to be.

My "R" is busy working I know so I know that he will be with me soon and I can create new memories with him and one day, as I am old and grey, I will think of these memories we have together and not wished or regret that I never did make any with him - that would be a sad ending to my life story.

So until another day - keep busy making those sweet and loving memories for tomorrow, today.

Ciao.