I am in California....

Presently, I am once again in California. And honestly, I do not see what people in Buenos Aires are talking about hard times here.

I go to the grocery and I still have the choices and even more, than ever before. I see arugula, red oranges, all my favorite fresh herbs, veal, turkey, ground chicken, granny smith apples, snapple drinks, italian and english cheese and modena balsamic vinegar, italian and french wine for $5.00,etc.

When you read blogs in Argentina you would think the sky had fallen in the US, not so I say!

I can still buy my Yuban coffee for the same price I did 4 months ago.

When I was in Argentina and I read all these blogs, I was nervous that all I have to come to in the US is a pile of rubble and dust. But let me tell you, I went to Islands Burger last night and the place was packed! People are eating out. I went to the shopping mall and had to stand in line to pay for the 2 pairs of pants I got. My starbucks (one I frequent, I do not own one!) had a line at the drive thru. I went to McDo for my morning coffee and again, there was a line at the drive thru at 7am mind you. So I am thinking people who are posting on these sites talking about Argentina are a) either in other cities that where I am in California

b) have not been here in the US for sometime

c) are biased in what they see and will say anything negative in Argentina to "blend in" with the thinking there

d) never really left Argentina to get a good perspective of what it really is to live (NOT just VISIT) the US.

I like California, as a matter of fact I love it here. I will not go into comparing the 2 countries because it is like comparing apples and oranges, just not the same! I am sure there are people that are in Argentina and do not have the life in the US that they can go back to and that they have moved to Argentina and there is nothing for them here in the US. But for me, honestly, there is no place like the US. Nothing even comes close. What a great country!

Please do not misunderstand me, I love being in Argentina, my R is there and we have a life there, but all I am saying is I am ready to give up my life in California, my M is here. Both totally important to me and gladly I do not have to make an either or choice about it. Life is good both in California and in my little corner of the world in Argentina.

People who say negative things about US in Argentina do not really get it. I do not make any apologies for feeling sorry about some people who do not really get this. For in this lifetime, the US is a world leader, and others are mere peons. That is all I am saying..and California, rock (pump fist here!).

I am in California and the weekend is here...beach weather in winter...what is not great about that?

..."We will REBUILD and the United States will emerge stronger than ever.."

This is the first time that Obama spoke in a joint meeting with Congress and he wanted it to be also viewed by the public. Transparency, he said.

The President of the United States of America wanted the people at home watching TV to hear directly from him what we can all do to help on paving that road to recovery.

I believed it when he said..."We will REBUILD and the USA will emerge stronger than ever.." if you want hope, this is hope! The plan is ambitious to say the least but for a great country like the USA, nothing less and nothing short can be expected. Like the Phoenix, the USA will rise above this and from the ashes a better country will emerge. I have to do my share of course, just like everyone is expected to do their share. Conserving energy and thinking more towards the future from now on and not just the present short term gratification. We have to think about our children and other's children, their health, their credit so their children can finish school. We have to stop thinking just about ourselves. It is time to think as a nation again. I believe he used "bold" in terms of the manner we have to face this predicament of the economy. And it is a pleasant and good change to see both parties of the aisle be nice to each other for a change, no?

I now believe that thought the 2nd stimullus package is more money than one can ever imagine, we have to dare imagine it! We are trying to rise from the ashes remember, and no amount of blame will make the effort easier. We just have to support the President in this endeavor and do our share, whatever we can to help.

I like the sound of that and when it becomes a reality all the naysayers will hopefully have enough humble pie and crow to eat and go around. You watch and see - the US will emerge after this crisis...stronger than ever. If that is not hope, I do not know what is. Do you?

Thank you...

R, thank you for this very healing week. I have learned alot and still have more to learn. As I live and learn, I will try to be a better human being. I am off to California, see you there in a few days. Another day.....

Argentinian Peso to the US Dollar...2009 (first 2 months)

Last year, at one of the local expat sites, there was one brazen "prediction" that the USA has gone to hell and that with all it's glory will fall from its pedestal. Well, wait this person also said the value of the Argentinian peso will...hold on...go up and that the dollar will...hold on...GO DOWN to 2.60 pesos for every dollar. (giggle!)

Now as I watch the TV and the exchange rate go up for the US dollar, I wonder where this guy's tail is now! A good choice will be...ahem..betweeen his legs?!

I mean from his gloomy prediction of 2.69 to a dollar we are looking at 3.55 pesos for a dollar. Now things are bad but the dollar is still up compared to the Arg peso because even on worst times, the US dollar is more in value than the Arg peso. I guess a village idiot can figure that out with the numbers we have clearly in front of us.

Some people have a rosy vision of how life is here in Argentina (BsAs) they want to dis the US to make this place sophisticated and greater than it really is! I mean as long as we stay realistic, we talk reality. No rose colored glasses on.

And just saying how doomed the USA is and how magnificent Argentina is under its present conditions does not make it so. That is just like saying one person is fat does not make me thin!

Anyhooo...just wanted to call on that person on that website ( no one will fess up to saying that now - I should have saved the post!) I know exactly who it is but I just do not have the post anymore (ERASED?).

So here we are early into 2009 and the US dollar is gaining value in Argentina, I hope visitors come and tourists pour in money in this place.

But I do not think the $134.00 entry fee starting March 1st 2009 will help but ..we'll see.

To that person who talks trash about the US, I wonder what lies he tells himself and if he is really happy when he goes to the US (for a visit he says!). Hmm...

It is interesting to listen to people speak so badly about the USA and that how doomed it is. But when the Phoenix rises, he will be stronger than ever. I wonder if the tunes will change then...I am sure it will.

See ya!

Mama got a brand new bag...

Okay, before I get to the new bag...let me just get somethings out in the open. I live in a condo unit that faces the elevator, but surprisngly enough it is not the traffic and the banging of the doors of the escalator that is making so much noise lately. I think I live next to a neighbor who has no conscience and consideration. I mean the singing (off key) and strumming of guitars (no john mayer here!) and loud bursts of laughter at 2 until 3 in the morning is very un-neighborly. So inconsiderate. I mean I get the let us party all night but when you are divided by a wall, i think it is just but decent to be thinking of your neighbors right? For when they had that crying baby there for days on end I did not put my boom box on to drown the crying noise, but hell, now that they are the only ones making the noise I think I should just join them. Inconsiderate people really!! I did not catch the usual number of hours for my beauty sleep. So after posting this I will catch up on my Zzzz's. Tonight if they make so much noise again I will turn on the AC for that old jalopy makes such a racket that I think I will not hear a peep from them.

Then there is the news about getting myself of daily coffee. I think I am doing okay on that regard so far 2 cups of coffee in the last week and a half.

I drink tea now...a very good berry and fruity tea. Very good tasting and aroma.

I need to tell the Mama story...there it was red, leather and with silver hardware, just the perfect size of what I have been looking for in the longest time - a shoulder bag. So now, as James Brown had sang about...Mama's got a brand new bag...! I love the way it feels and fits under my clutch. It is roomy and has a special spot for my diva cellphone. The color is a delicious and ever so rebelious red! It has attitude and I love it!

I am going to have a new friend for the next couple of months.

So far it has been calm in the homefront.

SD here I come!

See ya.

The long and short of it

The long version of it is that - what I went through just recently, I would not wish on my worst enemy. The short of it is that - there was no short version of it.

My recent ordeal was a direct result of injured pride and for the most part just the inability of 2 people who care deeply about each other to - you guessed it - to communicate.

People use that phrase - what we need here is to better communicate- may have been something corny and silly to most (me included) but when it is a factor in the beginning of the collapse of a very loving relationship - it takes on a deeper meaning. I am a testament to that.

I am exhausted everytime I had to even think about what a harrowing experience it was for me to go through. My heart was broken and though it will never be the same as it was before - I have learned alot about myself and R and our relationship. That is the long of it.

The short of it - is that - as hope springs eternal - so does devotion to a remarkable relationship. Being on the road to recovery will take alot more effort and time, but like anything of great importance and value - one should never take for granted and neglect the 2 basic ingredients in any relationship. You have 2 people and each one is themself and then you have the unit (2gether), it will need constant attention and work. Never to take each one for granted and any ill feelings will need to be addressed before the night is over. Never go to sleep mad.

There are certain personal issues that I have to deal with myself because there are things I will need to change, as I am sure R has to as well. The experience took us to a dark place and we both were in pain. Again the relationship was suffering and any ill feeling toward each other was just a symptom of a deeper issue that was trying to surface.

And for weeks there was no resolution in sight, it was starting to get scary and the sound of finality on all our conversations was depressing.

One day I hope what I have learned during a heartache I can verbalize because all the time I was in agony, I went to church and prayed hard I did.

And somewhere way out yonder, someone heard my cry for help because I have been given the chance to better myself and better the relationship I am in now. And for whomever it was that had put in a good word for me to ease my heart's pain - thank you.

I feel differently today as I did 3 weeks ago or so, I just do not know what really had changed in me, but my mind is clearer, my heart is lighter and there is a gait in my step again. I ask not why but - why not! I like what I feel now and that is just the short of it - all in all.

For all of you who stood by me during those bad times - I am thankful.

R, thank you.

See you all another day.

A letter....To whom it may conceRn,

February 13th (Friday) 2009
Argentina

To Whom it may conceRn,
(You know who you are and this letter is for you.)

I am writing to you in the comfort of my little corner of the world. It has become a nice and warm spot for me to do my everyday internet connections. The table is lovely and touching gift from you. But those are not the reasons why I am writing this post.

Thank you. I have not said it enough and not lately. You have been super generous, kind and a source of strength to me all these years and especially during my early trying days. You are the only man in my life I never wanted or desired another. The only other man in my life is a very impressionable young man that adores you. I would not want him to ever experience another great loss that he is about to go though yet again (and this time maybe even more) should the situation you and I are in get any worst. He trusts and loves you and I would never want anything to change that.

I am getting ahead of myself here....

This heartbreaking and painful experience that I am (WE are going through) living in right now is a very humbling experience; I am humbled by the enormity of your bottomless capacity to love and tolerance of my imperfection. My ability to love pales in comparison to how much you have loved me. And I use the past tense here because if I had truly lost your love, I have no blame for you on that. That blame fault falls squarely on my shoulders. This humbles me. And I just pray that if all what we have has to come to an end that I would be strong enough to accept defeat and loss with a graceful bow and dignity still intact. I see now that I have erred miserably. And for whatever consequences that entails, I am to be held accountable and will face it. I might not want to deal with it, but I have no choice. The decision is yours and I respect you enough not to fight you over it. I would want to salvage whatever I can of this relationship but if you do not feel the same way about me as I still do about you, then maybe, it is best to just try to part with no ill feelings.But if there is anything at all to hold on to every a thread of hope that we can still work on this and how many ever chances we need to have to get this right - we have to do it. we owe it to each other to try to save what we can. There is after all a good handful of years of good memories to last us a lifetime to let this end in a sour note. Memories are great that way.

I am not discouraged and still hopeful about where we are headed, the unknown always presents itself in the best form we just have to believe that it will work out for the best. I have let pride get between us and the lack of communication did not help us in any way. I will not make that same mistake here. I still want to get the TWO-gether back. It will not be the same as what we had before, I can only hope for something better and stronger.

My heart continues to ache, it will continue to ache for a long time but I have to be realistic about all this and that if there is a possibility that I might have to say goodbye to all your wonderful friends and family here. It will be a very sad day under the sun when that happens but if it is my reality I have to face it. You know where I will be and even if we no longer connect as we used to let me assure you that since you are the best thing that ever happened to me, it is safe to say, you will occupy a good share of my heart in this lifetime.

I am humbled by all these and with my head bowed, I say - it has been very good loving you, good times and bad included. I will not want to change a single day. Please do not judge me for the bad things I have done to you but for the love I tried to share with you. I am not a bad person, I just made some really bad judgement calls (character flaw on my part) and I have a price to pay for that. I live and learn. I will be strong in the end and as always, I have you to thank for making me see what I am not and am able to do and be.

To say that I will be eternally grateful for having you share your live and love with me, does not begin to cover it. So I will not even try.

So with this I end this letter by saying, you are a very good man and sometimes bad things (like me) happen to very good people.

One day you should right a book about how not to fall for someone like me, I would be the first one to buy such a book. I will learn a lot from it, I am sure.

It hurts and I will continue to hurt because I care so much. I feel empty because you have left that space you used to occupy in my life, I cry because if I don't I think my heart (already broken) will explode. And I think there really is a God because I do not think I can bear keeping this pain all to myself.

I only want you to be happy and that is the honest truth. And if that spells me out of your life to regain your peace of mind and get that happiness that so elusive then I can pack in 15 minutes flat!

I will be with you in spirit always. Your health and happiness are always in my prayers nothing can ever change that.

Oh...and about Claudio, what will I ever say to him? I will ask for his forgiveness more than his understanding, that would be the toughest thing I will ever have do. I am sure you will be there to help me out when that time comes.

And it might be 30days late - but I would like to say I am sorry and I understand you are hurting as well. There are no words to ease your pain. Time will make the ache manageable and we will both have scars from this. We just have to accept them as part of the wonderful life we had together.

I wish nothing but only the best for you.

Sincerely and with all my love,

me

I search for strength...

I wanted to post a nice comment here but my efforts were erased. So I just want to say...that tough times have a totally different meaning for me nowadays. But I live and learn...live.
Forgiveness is for the noble and I am not that. I find it harder to forget and hardest to forgive; an imperfection on my part. But I seek strength in places I have never thought of going before. My frustrations are things that I have to live with in a daily basis. A test of character and resolve is a challenge that one has to deal with as part of one's reality check, I am due for a good reality check for boy, is it pouring lately!
I learn so much about myself these last few weeks into 2009, I am so sick of the life lessons I keep discovering. It stinks when REALITY bites!
well tomorrow is another day and I hope as I close my eyes tonight and after my night prayers I would wake up tomorrow and live this all over again. And hopefully end is in sight!

Do unto others...

I have found these last several weeks, that people do treat me differently just because I sound, look and act different. (Remember, I am in Argentina and not Argentinian looking.)

First of all, I do have some expat friends and clients but none that I hang around with in a regular basis. I live my own life and do my own thing. Basically I speak when I want to and not when I don't. I have heard of some very fanatical "americans who moved to argentina" group - who will not tolerate any "nega" talks about their adopted country - for chissakes - even the friggin' argentinos talk trash about their country and half of the crap they throw around I do not understand - and when I speak about the dog poop on the sidewalks I am told to go back to the USA - give me a f+++ break! And these from people who ask for tolerance yet they are intolerant, those who want to better undestand the poor of argetina yet talk trash to their fellow north americans. I continue to mention, bring to someone else's attention, criticize stuff around me - I do it in the US and I will do it here.

Second, there are those that I encounter on a regular basis. I learn spanish from everywhere and anywhere - I mean everywhere like the gas station, verdulero, gardener, workers, etc. And the best thing about learning from them is their hearts are pure and not judgemental of my grammar or pronounciation when they speak with me. They want to help me out and I see the sincerity in them. There are people out there that are kind because deep down they are no prejudice or biases about me.

Third, I really am not a fan of 101 questions. No one person should really know EVERYTHING that is going on with another. I mean - HOLA?! Give me some room to breath here- the air is starting to choke me with the 101 questions. Jeez!! For being different I continue to not comprehend why people want to know and ask so many personal (very personal) questions so what I do now, is I just I-G-N-O-R-E them, works like a charm.

I have also learned that here (for I have not experienced it anywhere else) that one person can just straight out and say "No" about an experience that you know is true and have happened several times yet one person can say "NO" as if it never happened to them , knowing full well that it has indeed happened. I do not want to call anyone a liar but if you are not telling the honest truth (for there is such a thing as a liar's truth) what else is there to call that person. You be the judge. For these kinds, I know trust is a very important thing and I just don't give them out as readily for these kinds.

I marvel at the dynamics I have encountered with various people. I learn alot about myself with the people I interact with regularly. I am determined in avoiding negative vibes, it is not good for my present quest to exercise and better my body. My mind is trying to play catch up with the fast paced regimen I am in. Dieting is next and boy it sends me sky rocketing when I go on a diet. No carbs and no sugar! We will see how this week will go. So far so good, I limit my carbs to morning only for I do not process them that well (metabolically) at night.

So for 2009 I have resolved that I will take better care of my body, exercise regularly, eat to enhance my metabolism, cut down on the sugar-carbs, enjoy what I like having without the guilt and I am sure the improved mind will follow.

I will not look back on 2008 with any positive or negative feelings; it is the past and should remain there for good.

I will face the challenges of 2009 and will be wiser.

So far, so good for 2009. I look forward to another day.