Catching cold..

Okay so I am in Argetina and I have been sneezing and my nose is dripping and watery eyes with body aches - Swine flu you are thinking right? NOT!!

After all these cold weather, I have been lucky to deflect the symptoms of a cold until last night. I slept with a very flimpsy blanket, for I was lazy to unfurl my goosedown blanket, and with shivers and shaking going on the last night - I paid the piper - I have a cold! Rats!!

I took some good old USA meds and popped a couple of anti-allergy medicine and I am feeling just about great right now. I feel sleepy yet wanted to post this before I go to sleep and my ever reliable 10% alcohol night medicine should cure me by the morning. Usually I would ask for a double shot of whisky or bourbon for a cold like this ( I call it my ABORT the cold cure!) but since I have none my 10% should do it.

I will zonk out tonight and would not hear anything unless the ground opens up and swallows me whole. Good night zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

I have learned that...

• History also starts Now.
• I need to be careful what I wish for - there is that equalizer called Murphy's law.
• Think and re-think before your open your mouth.
• No matter how old I get, any news about children dying still pains my heart.
• It is okay to dream even if in reality it will never happen. It just feels good to dream it anyway.
• I am grateful for all the moments a friend can spend with me. For I can never guarantee a tomorrow, only today.
• It keeps me warm knowing that I have had the best of times with you.
• I smile the biggest when I am the saddest.
• I never regretted anything that I had done. If any my regrets are for the things I did not get to do.
• I need to travel to get outside my life's bubble.
• I like to keep things very REAL, no pretenses and no lies.
• Fridays and 22nds got to be emotionally manageable in time.
• I am no longer in pain when I can think of something or someone and I shed no tears.
• I will always my Mama Edna. I still cry when I think about her.
• My weakness and source of strength are one and the same.
• Prayers are always answered. I just have to be listening even when the answer is NO.
• To let someone in your heart also means you have to be your kindest when they want out.
• Humility is an essential trait to fight anger, resentment and bitterness.
• It is best to be thankful for your blessings than just counting them.
• Never hug someone unless your heart means it.
• Bidding someone goodbye is giving them the space to grow.
• Change is good, not easy, but it is good.

Singing and humming is an outlet for me so I do not curse (say bad words). So next time you hear me sing or hum, it might not be that tune you recognize because it is so peppered with f%#@&*^ bad words.....(I always wanted to do that) :-)

Three days later...this is a Friday.

I am okay with Fridays now. I have passed ALL that. There is a new shining and promising horizon before me. I will focus on that.

Nothing will keep me down or make me feel defeated. I will make myself happy and no matter what tries to stand between me and what I would want to do, I will just find other source of happiness that will make me not sweat it. Little things are not worth the aggravation and the thinking that YOUR WAY is what needs to be done, life - my life at least has changed leaps and bounds on that - and I am happy to say, I am exactly on the path that I want to be. I am happy today, this particular Friday. Today I have found that nothing can keep this baby down. I have really evolved into a much better ME, and I like what I see of who I am.

I will not argue with anyone, not worth it, sooo not worth it. Let it slide, things will happen in their own due time and if they don't - well...

I have also discovered lately that making plans and being unflexible about it is a big stress factor in life, and this girl is not ever going that road again.

I have better skin now (we all know how important that is!) and I am sure it is all due to the decreased level of I-must-have-it-my-way attitude. Now I just smile and consider it a lesson about ME learned. Life is too short to worry about how many points I am ahead of the next person. Just not so worth it, really.

Three days later from my last post and here I am again, on a Friday - and I'm fine, so fine. Things are looking up!!

Relaxing is either over rated or under rated - but one thing is for sure - people just need to learn how to CHILL!!

Have a great weekend ya all! It has been a lot of learning this week, and so far, so good.

Ciao.

What I like about you....

..is you really know how to dance!
..you hold me tight...
..you whisper into my ear...you tell me things that I want to hear...
...you keep me warm at night...
Remember the song by The Ramones?
I will only think about the things that I like about you. And for that I will always hear the great harmonica playing in the background - good stuff. Happy stuff.
Cloudy skies but the sun took a peek at me today - nice!

..and when it rains, it pours!

I think after last Saturday's post, I was in for a very wet weekend.

It is Tuesday and it is raining. Loud rashing thunder and sky flashing bright lightnings this morning! Scary, really.

It was just soaking day today in Buenos Aires. And here I thought, well Sunday without the sun can happen but continous whole day of raining was quite something. It kept me indoors and finally finished boxing 2 more of my packing boxes, and now we are down to 8 boxes. I am getting there.

Maybe 2 more trips from where "these stuff" are coming from will finish the job. The rain made me finish my packing, so in the silver lining of it all, it was a productive day for packing. Aside from that - not much!!

Okay, I am going to go get myself a kick a** coffee coz I have a ginormous (giantic and enormous) headache and I think it need a good caffeine fix!

See ya tomorrow!

Drizzle does not make rain!

It was gloomy today, but the sunshine to this story is that I got boots today...yipee! Lovely and comfy ones. I got them at this...no I cannot tell you..coz then I have to kill ya!! HAHAHAHA..really!

Boots and lots of other stuff - leather and loved them all.

Then in the afternoon it started - what was looming in the gray skies today - drizzle. The one thing that is nice about a drizzle is that - you think you do not need an umbrella. It is just a slight showering so to speak but cumulatively if you are out in the drizzle long enough you will get soaking wet, just like or as if you walked out in the rain. Did some errands in the late afternoon but no fish today - the fish monger was out fishing, I guess, jk (just kidding!).

Most of what I had on my list I was able to get even a couple of the 2 wines that I have been eyeing to buy but cannot seem to find in Buenos Aires.

RE: packing - I am dragging my feet. Not! I just had to get some more to-be boxed items. And more trips to follow.

Weekend is here and I am looking forward to the next 2 weeks more in Argentina. I have to get past these changes and they are extra ordinary changes, and I am dealing with it, with a smile.

Have a very good weekend everyone!

Today is Thursday...

It is still cold and breezy 50plus km. outside of Buenos Aires. When it is cold in BsAs, it is even colder here. And when it is warm in BsAs, it is also warmer here. I guess being out in the open spaces does that to the temperature outside. Have been loving the nice weather these last couple of days. But I give you this - it drizzled yesterday. It was a nice showering here and there though.

I have also learned that a high school friend of mine went to California but alas I was not there. She was just 2 hours drive from where I would have been. Argh! You know sometimes "the stars are not aligned" to make things happen the way I would want them to, and that is life - so be it! She is Arlene and I always loved here in high school. Our fathers, were grade school and high school classmates like we were - and we loved and ate up all the stories both our fathers told us about their escapades. We never told our own stories - now if those walls could talk, man! But when I am in her neck of the woods we always go out to dinner. She is a teacher, and a great mom to boot! She is a surgeon's wife. She is so down to earth kind of person. She can also be so strong - just like me. I guess that is why we are very good friends. Her father passed away years ago and my father attended the wake (one night) but could never gather the courage to attend the funeral - it was tough to let go of life long friends. My father still recalls those good times with his friend, and I am so fortunate to be listening to those stories still.

Arlene is visiting family and friends (hers and husband's) and I would have loved to have shown here my "playground". Maybe next time - I am sure she will feel bad I wasn't there to be with her - but she understands but yet it is not the same, you know?

I will seek her out again when I get to her "jungle". She is a text message away, as she always says. And we both loved to drive when we were in high school. She had a car but I always had my Jeep - sweet high school memories. ...I love thinking about these warm thoughts on a Thursday when it is so blistering cold outside, keeps me all warm and fuzzy - deep, deep inside. Oh yeah, and Arlene was also a great basketball player - she knows a cousin of mine who is also a basketball player - awww...the stories I could tell about those championship matches ...will save some for another cold evening.

Thanks for keeping me company you all! Take care and see ya tomorrow.

The final countdown...

The packing has taken a backseat in the last 5 days or so because the heaters, at the place where my stuff are, are off. Not that I did not want to turn them ON but I do not know how. It is too complicated for me, I guess. I leave it at that.

So for the next few days I will be rabidly packing to make up for the 5 or so days lost in packing. I will put on my blinders and dedicate my time and thinking process in making sure the boxes will be ready in time before I actually have to leave. I cannot leave anything by chance.

I hope I will have the same fervor I have in me, when I lost my momentum due to the heater not working. It was irritating and got on my nerves but what can I do? Really?!

So I have all the boxes - check. I have the 2 suitcases to start packing what I have in my "other' residence - check. (Mental note: I will need to pack MY stuff to take them to where the boxes are!) I will have to decide what I WILL NOT TAKE - check. Magazines I need - check.

Well, the final countdown in ticking. There is no looking back past yesterday's point. I am looking forward to being able to DO THIS packing and finish it!! I will not be distracted. I am hoping to have some time for myself to look for items on my father's wishlist. Some of the stores that I am hoping to buy these items from are either low stocking them (aka "we do not know when we will get more or if ever") or the store has closed. I was surprised about the leather store I like that closed; but the economy and retail sales in Buenos Aires is catching up with what the rest of the world is going through, painfully I might add.

So the final countdown goes something like...tic, toc, tic, toc.....

"Hiking the Appalachian Trail..." , yeah right!

Well, I finally am going to write my one and only blog about the sad excuse for a Governor Sanford, I will write this just to get it off my system.

I am still being fed some very funny lines (and not so funny ones) about this, so I will share.

• "Hiking the Appalachian Trail" will now be a phrase that will be used by philanderers whenever applicable.
• I never knew that the Appalachians will take you all the way down to Argentina. I need to update my Atlas.
• He went to Argentina for the good wine. C'mon it could be true.
• Jenny is prettier, a whole lot prettier when his political war chest became increasingly clear that it was in jeopardy.
• Jenny is the one that is trying to save his political career. What irony. She is the one making the pleas to give Mark a second chance, like she is doing for him.
• He is whiner, I can give you that. What a wuzz and a complainer! He sinned and then was sorry only because he got caught. Looser!!!
• For someone who had Presidential aspirations he was thinking with the wrong head (I was hoping for the one with the brain in it!) now he can kiss that dream buh-bye.
• He should apologize to Mr. Bill Clinton. During the impeachment trial of the latter, the Gov here is what we can now call a hypocrite!
• But isn't being a hypocrite a requirement to be in the GOP? That explains alot.
• I thought the song is "Don't cry for ME, Argentina"? So was was HE crying? Oy vey!
• First he should have told us WHY he was apologizing or maybe he thought we wouldn't notice. Oh, puh-leez...
• Wonder no more why The Gov just did not send Maria a ticket to just come and visit him in SC, here it is - for the law in SC states that he can be charged with adultery if they commited the habitual adulterous carnal acts IN South Carolina. You gotta give the Gov some credit for that.
• Think of various definitions for.... "He pulled a Sanford".....
• You lay with the dogs, get ready to get up with fleas.
• I have no sympathy for a loosers like him. They always know what it is they are doing. Father's Day and he was with his mistress, that says alot. If parenting is of no importance to him (obviously) he will remember this moment again the day his kids throw this back at this face. And they will, they always do.
• Men like The Gov Sanford are so typical of those who want to have their cake and eat it too.
• Why would you want to be with a man who has to tell lies to be with you? Why would you be with a man who has already committed to another woman, his wife? Do you know that homewreckers are never looked kindly to? Some women are never ladies to begin with.
• Love Story - this affair was called by The Gov. Doesn't he remember the McGraw movie? She died in that.
• Or maybe The Gov came to Buenos Aires to audition for Evita. He has the hand movements and tears down on cue.

OK, so those asking that I at least do ONE blog on this topic ( and not pretend it never happened), here it is.

I just think that this Gov is so lucky that MJ died a day after his revelation. The lucky snake! Do we even remember the Gov's first name?

The Basics - STOP, DROP and ROLL

Disclaimer: The cluster map (see right column) where it shows where visitors to my blog are from have been archived. So what you see is basically just where I am. Thank you for visiting. I still know where most of my guests are coming from.

Today is Sunday,12th of July 2009. It is the end of the weekend but the sun never peeked out today in Buenos Aires, it is very cold here today. I woke up later than usual, or should I say I forgot to set the alarm, this girl was sleepy and it was just cozy to lie in bed under a thick blanket. Nice!

So I was here most of the time and I went to the store to grab some groceries (wanted to cook for dinner) and had sandwiches (miga) for lunch with a large mug of tea. It was a perfect day to listen to some good notes and I got to thinking that what I needed to get through this rough patch I am in - is a good rattling and shaking! So I go back to the basics - STOP, DROP and ROLL (remember the fire drills we used to do in school as children!) the most 3 important words for fire survival.

Here goes:

STOP - the denial for it has to cease NOW . I should say it out loud - there is no future in hoping to change where I am now. THIS IS IT, get it!!

DROP - the rose-colored glasses for the reality (my reality = what I believe in ) is that BIG changes are on their way. Drop any hope that absence and distance will bring anything positive. We all know absence makes the heart grow colder - fact!

ROLL - on with life. There is no turning back from this moment on. I just have to roll on forward and keep on going. No hurt feelings.

I have always hoped during the darkest moments of being away from Argentina (3 or so months ago) that one day, there is someone out there that is the other half of me who will love me unconditionally meaning no qualms, no ifs, ands or buts about it. That would be great.

But for my part, I am working on the basics - STOP, DROP and ROLL. I've got it..I've got it...just have to keep practicin' at it.

I am good. Thank you.

It is OK to....

• have several brands of hand lotions and still stick to your ONE favorite one
• have one favorite cosmetic brand and still be open to trying other ones
• sleep in bed and get up later once in awhile
• not get too attached to material things
• choose to forget bad memories
• be cheerful for the benefit of others
• get startled by fireworks
• not believe in the tooth fairy, anymore
• wash your face with just soap and water
• floss your teeth twice a day
• accept complements just do not forget to say "thank you"
• not get too excited about things - sometimes you are just not in the mood
• just let things happen but never blame anyone if things do not work out for you
• dream just work as hard as you can to get that dream into reality started
• not know what to say when things seem weird to you
• not say anything when you do not have anything to say
• wish an enemy the best for the thought of doing so will irritate the heck out of him!
• paint your nails red if that is what you want
• speak your mind, just speak gently and kindly for one day you might end up eating those words
• think you are in love with Keanu Reeves - I am! I just do not stalk the poor guy.
• think that eye candy is something to suck on. Just do not do it!!
• not do something when you are in doubt about it. Gut instinct, you know

Have a nice weekend everyone!

Possible reasons why as a woman I can never make it in Argentina

I have this plausible theories of why I am wrong for this place (Argentina). I have observed and noted that there are common behaviors amongst women here that I see and speak with on a regular basis and I think there is some credibility to some (if not all) of my theories. Here it goes (remember this is just tongue in cheek!)....

• I am not hysterical enough
• I do not text my boyfriend several times each hour "Donde esta?" (where are you?)
• I am not angry enough
• I do not get angrier as the hours of the day pass
• I am not thin enough - or at least not starving myself to be thin enough
• I do not smoke to curb my appetite (to be in the I-want-to-be-thin diet program)
• I do not know all the cosmetic surgery terms
• I have never had Botox done (at my age? the horror!!)
• I do not have a therapist/psychologist that I visit every week or whose number is in my speed dial
• I am not insecure enough
• I am not afraid to be past my 30s
• I actually know who I am or has the sense of self
• I smile to everyone
• I wave back when someone waves at me - even if I do not know them
• I say "Hola/Hello" to everyone that is anyone
• I say Good morning/good afternoon or hola to my peaje person
• I look at guys straight in the eyes!
• I actually have a say in what I like and do not like
• I am too much of a free spirit to be told to do anything
• I do not think every guy is nice to me just to get me to go to bed with them (isn't that like being conceited or full of yourself - I am not that!)
• I have my own set of jewelries that I love and treasure
• I talk to everyone that will talk with me - in my broken and uniquely accented spanish
• I pay attention when I am driving
• I make a point to sing (CDs) to cut the stress factor when driving the autopistas
• I thank everybody even if they are rude to me - I always say "it's their problem".

I can think of others but for tonight you get the idea. I like the fact that I am not from here. I can see how different I am and I love being different. I would not want to be just like the next person here, I stand out and in my book - it is a very good thing. People tend to remember me - and isn't that what a woman is all about? Being remembered long after you have left the room. Now that is me. Cheers!

July 9th 2009

It was a blistering cold day in Buenos Aires, it got as cold as 2 degrees below zero very early in the morning. Brrr...is right!

July 9th is a holiday here and so the streets were calmer than usual and everything were closed - well almost. I went to the place where I was packing but after a bite to eat, it got too cold (no functioning heater) and so I bundled up and left.

And for a short moment after I got back into the city I ran to the store to get something to bite for dinner. Not too hungry anyway - but had to stock up just in case I get hungry in the middle of the night - you never know!

I was thinking about many things lately and so far, I have been good - after yesterday. I thought I need to pull myself together and get a clear picture of what I want to do after the end of this month, immediately after I leave here that is. I can confidently say I have been feeling numb lately. I have no pressure to make this decisions ASAP. For the first time in months I feel - nothing. I am without burden. I have relaxed some (oh well, with the neighbor upstairs I try to do my best!) and thinking comes easily, but at times, I cry because I feel such a defeat. But I now know I have to wave that proverbial white towel. I have surrendered. This is it!

There is a good amount of sadness that overcome me at times but I know it is because I can not only feel the end of something that was very good but I can clearly see it from where I am, and anything that was good that has to come to an end always bring a level of sadness.

I do not know really if I should apologize for my shortcomings, for they make me - the ME, that I am. I have my needs and they will not change anytime soon, I don't think. Those needs will be major crossroads for me. Major decisions will be made when I cross and choose the path to take at that junction.

It is not likely that my heart will get fonder in absence, with my track record, it will only get colder. And I am not sure if I should apologize for that at this time, as well.

If this is the end of IT, then I am so disappointed. I had hoped for a much better ending. I know this is not THE very end yet. I can still write a new ending at least where it concerns me. I just have to make this major adjustment of making life decisions on my own. I am practicing and so far I can humbly say that it has been good. I do not know if I should apologize for how easy it has been for me in doing this, maybe I should be having much more difficulty with it.

After I leave Argentina this time, I will not be leaving like I did any time in the past. Nor will I be coming back like I had in the past. Everything has changed. These last 2 weeks I have changed, and I have changed plenty. I do not know if I should apologize for that.

The reality is, I will leave people that I have learned to like and have become familiar with and they will never know any of these. It is better that way I guess, people have a way of complicating simple life and love things.

I will be gone and I do not know if I will ever be back. I would like to think that one day, I would be but it would take some time and some more growing up on my part. And most importantly, I have to accept that I have grown apart from who I was 10 years ago. What is in my heart will remain in my heart, I cannot change that. But my heart may beat for someone else one day, and I do not know if I should apologize for that in advance as well.

Coincidentally, July 9th is Argentina's Independence Day, and it is poignant that I see my own sense of Independence. Being free woman is a big responsibility that I chose to relish and will understand some more in the months to come. I am not sure where this will take me but as a wild spirit that I am would like to ,before anything else, apologize for eventually I will in the end find time the to enjoy the best gift ever given back to me - my independence, also known as freedom.

I have earned it I guess, in a manner of speaking. But the part that suck is where I have to say goodbye to people that I will never look at the same way again nor they me. For after this week, things will never ever be the same again. And I apologize to them for that in advance.

I was hoping that I am wrong...

I have a confession to make. Something that I have been carrying for awhile now, a few years in fact.

The story is about how I think I got to this very spot I am standing in now, with the broken pieces of my heart which are very difficult to put together. I stare at the pieces every now and again and no matter how I try to put it back together, it doesn't want to seem to hold and there are some missing pieces. I do not see what might resemble a heart but all I see are the cracks where there used to be none.

It is taking me longer and it seems to be more of an arduous task to get my spirits back as close to what it used to be. Oh please do not get me wrong, I am not in the hunt for anyone at this time.

I would like to find a man (not necessarily to marry) though who will put me first in his list. I am sure it is a high order of the day but just once I would like to feel that elation and euphoria of being the sun in a man's life. I would like to see the love in his eyes and his smile will reflect the shine from his heart. It has been a long while since I have seen one of those. And for every woman who has experienced it the longing for another is like a search for that first high - it happened once and will never happen again - or will it? My quest continues.

So, here I stand in a country not my own where I was willing to move and try to make this work. It was just an uphill climb from the very beginning, to be honest. I am in a place that is nothing like where I came from. Friends from the USA told me it would not last, and that I needed a circle of my own girlfriends to keep me happy. It was just not meant to be, I suppose. I was determined to give it my best though but I came up short of that.

I never had a close friend here and I felt isolated. Joy was starting to fade away from me and I acted out on it. I was not happy and it was impossible to give something to someone which you do not have. The changes were happening little bit at a time and before we knew it, we were getting on each other's nerves. And somehow, that was just a symptom of something else deeper.

What was a great formula in San Diego did not work here obviously. It was very clear. And even if I saw the end coming then I was fighting it all the way. And somehow, I lost that battle.

Here I stand having failed what I thought was the love of my life. I was not going to give up on it until I really had to. And, I had to. The love story that once was so full of promise, so full of love and never ending source of joy has come to a full stop. It ends here and we all get off the love bus. But life must go on...nothing stops because I am in pain, I have learned that bitter lesson of truth. So..here I stand still holding those pieces and trying with all my might and determination to get through this even when I am alone.

I cry when I could not stop the tears. I laugh when a very good memory comes to me. I try to not think too much about all this because in a few weeks I will no longer be standing in this very spot. And there is comfort in that for the pain will get better when I am not surrounded with all the memories of where I once thought that I have found the man that I would grow old with, the man that will hold my hand as an old lady crossing the street, the one whom I will take care of when he grows older - but truth be told, I was wrong. And the sooner we can all turn the page - I think we are all ready to turn to the next page - the sooner we try to live our own lives separately.

I was mistaken and I have to learn from that. The worst part about falling in love is that there is always that possibility that you could lose it, and I did. I dust myself off I guess, take a deep breath, sigh and then put on the best smile - for life goes on...just give me a little more time, I will get better at this.

It will sink in and this too shall pass.

Update..

Packing update:

Today I added some more of my stuff into the 6th box. I have almost nothing left to pack, just the ones that I will be wearing and using for the next immediate weeks, but that is about it. This packing went so fast and so well that I think I will have to find something else to do to fill the time that I have left before I actually leave Buenos Aires.

All the clothes, shoes, books, make-up and others are 85% packed. It took just a few dedicated days to get me almost done.

• I am still looking for leather products (belt, boots, wallet..)
• I am still enjoying my very nice and comfortable bed (in Buenos Aires but this was MADE in the USA).
• Sound Sleep is sort of hard to achieve here in the city with a very noisy upstairs neighbor.

It was a nice day today. Warm and sunny, after a day and half of rain. It was great. I went for a drive and had a lovely time. I am looking forward to going to bed early tonight. Tomorrow will be another day....

It is okay....

• to not over plan for tomorrow
• to smile at someone you do not know
• if you say "No" once in awhile.
• when things do not always turn out the way we want them to.
• to love and lose - but I do not have to like it.
• to always want the gas tank in FULL
• to want to be different, that's just being ME.
• to be happy even if you are alone
• to keep your mouth shut especially when tempted to say something that can potentially hurt someone
• to learn slowly rather than hurried and forget what you have learned in the long run.

A very quiet Fourth of July 2009

Aside from a very tasty lunch that I had there was not much happening today.

I am in Argentina and with the Swine Flu going around I have been avoiding public places with loads of people. Safety first, ya know!

So no barbeque or visit to the embassy or anything. I am at home, nice and warm after a good shower with a good cup of tea next to me.

I was packing today but realized almost all of the things I need to box- are boxed! I would need to take somethings to where my boxes are to pack MORE stuff.

Today being slow does not mean it was without excitement - I did but would rather not talk about it since all is well in the end. I am a worry person and am still shaking that part of me. Sometimes I just have to let things slide off my back and not get so worked up over nothing I have no control over. Really.

I was planning on a quick trip for a weekend to Rosario. That trip would have been a 4 hour drive from BsAs or so, but because of all the Swine Flu going-ons, I am re-thinking this trip. But maybe I would go and see what the big hoola-baloo is all about. We'll see.

So the 4th of July 2009 though without fireworks and no barbeque and coleslaw salad, I had my own piece of excitement, glad this day is almost over.

I am liking my daily drive to where I am packing. And to think that tomorrow I will be there again with another nice lunch waiting for me. Gotta love the positive side of life. Coz if I just think about the crazy things that are happening to me - the Panamerica sounds about a nice place to go for a walk.

I will be here tomorrow. You betcha!

Friday Blues

Have I mentioned in the past how I dread Fridays? Well, today is one of those dreadful Fridays.

As I was packing my 4th and 5th boxes today, I pondered the reality that sometimes departures and goodbyes have to be done and said even if there is really no place to go. I know I am going somewhere hence the packing but it is a trip that is so heavy on the heart, as the boxes are mounting.

Today is dawned on me that the saddest day of the week is Friday. And for awhile it will remain like that. I am loosing time and memories as every Friday comes and goes. With love and time, I will feel better, I know. I have to believe that it will get better, for the alternative is too hard to take.

I do not allow myself to think about past Fridays, I just concentrate on the present ones. It is too painful to even think about them, let alone miss them. Too much I tell you.

For awhile I have not cried on a Friday, today I did. Sorry.

I was weak today and it was okay to be weak for a moment. I hated the tears. I now know that I was not afraid to fall in love it was the idea that I might lose is what terrifies me. I am not scared of being alone, it is the getting there alone that makes me bite my lower lip as tears roll down my cheeks. It might just happen and I am dealing with that possible reality in my own time, alone. I am having a very practice with this single-dom idea.

I was all alone lately, packing. Moments would pass by and it already have been hours. Times goes by so fast when one is so wrapped up in doing something.

Fridays -wow! What I would give to have some great Fridays and Friday nights again, but going out now will be too soon. I know that breaking up is almost like a death. One gets to experience the loss and then the bouts of sadness and then deep sorrow. But like any death, after the dark episodes of melancholy, life will go on.
This too shall pass, I know that. But as of today, this Friday has been tough. I am glad it is late in the evening now and in a few hours as every second ticks, Saturday cannot come soon enough for me.

Have I told you how I dread Fridays? I do.

Just get over it, already!

I will choose light before I succumb to darkness. I seek betterment rather than destruction (sometimes you have to take things apart to put them together again).

Everyone had a rough childhood. No one has a "dream" upbringing. There are those that had more happy times than others and it is because they choose to remember the best parts of growing up and not dwell on what they were missing on.

I say - Just get over it, already!

We, each and every one of us, at one point in our cognitive moment have realized that the life we want and try to achieve is an uphill battle. Even those that we think live a dreamy life also have their bad moments and days. No amount of money will guarantee the you the best things in life. No amount of fame can give you the best friends you think you deserve. There is just always a something we all have to crab about. It is human nature, to complain. We just have to do it nicely and with in the bounds of decency.

I see those that have almost next to nothing and yet they make do with what they have - I believe my grandmother introduced me to this word - survival.

When life deals you lemons, either you stand there with a sour face or make lemon meringue pie (I was never really fond of lemonade!).

Everyone's childhood has some sad story of never having enough time spent with grandparents. They died too soon in my case. Or there is the part where I never had a sister, but I loved just being what I am in my family. I made a point to enjoy my place in the family to the chagrin and dismay of others.

Today as I was going over the final items I was putting in the 3rd box, I thought, I am so over it. I finally have released myself from what was bogging me down, no necessarily those from my childhood.

I wish everyone would take the moment to unload whatever it is that seems to hold you back, be it from fulfilling your dream, taking that trip you always wanted even if it means going alone, or accepting the loss of the ones that you love.

Sometimes people say, these types of things are easier said than done. But let me tell you when the right time comes (you make the time) it is easiest to just get over it already. I am referring to things that have happened in the past that you cannot change, so we tread on and move on forward.

Damn the past for I will just get over it already!

Have you seen my heart?

I just spent another day packing. I am getting very good at this, but I am thinking I do not want to get used to packing all the time. Not in the same context that I am doing it this time. Oh well...

So there I was in another location packing my stuff away. I am on the second box and counting. First box, old clothes, my good ol' fluffy blue bathrobe (soft and thick!), some fave shirts and blouses, pants, clothes that are not to be used in the next few months (during transit). Then today, the second box containing old cookbooks, baking pans and sheetpans, some gift wrapping ribbons, bows, tissues, bags, boxes (collapsed), bars of milled soaps, lanolin soaps and the like. I was one busy bee today.

So much so that I almost missed lunch - but didn't!

As I emptied drawers and shelves with my makeup refills and perfumes, lotions, body washes and the likes - I was in auto mode. Did not allow myself to give what I am doing another thought. I had to do this and I am doing what I had to do, pack. I figure, it is better that I do not include my heart in this process. I can deal with it much better. And so far, I have been doing very well, honestly speaking. My mind is what is taking over me when I am packing. I would not allow my heart to participate. The day I taped the first box to start my packing - I decided to not get my heart in the way.

So I have a few more boxes to go. I will try to keep it to the most minimum. Freight cost can be astronomical from Argentina to my end of the world. But anyhoo....

Tomorrow, I will do this some more of the same and I am getting to be very efficient at it. Now, I hope that by the end of the packed and sealed 8th box, I would remember where I placed my heart after all this.

Or I can post in here again in a few days and ask if - Have you seen my heart?

I would like to have it back before I leave.