Lessons from a doting father

In honor of Father's Day, let me share with you some lessons I have learned from my father. These are his words...

. SHOES - only invest in very good quality shoes. Or in your case, get the shoes that make you happy.

. PARENTHOOD - there is no "sitting on the fence" on this one. Love your son like I love as my daughter. You can never go wrong with that .

 DATING - have him keep his pants up and remember to keep your dress down.

. FARMING - there is honor and pride to be had in toiling the soil.

. SEX - those who talk too much about it don't get any, and those who do, don't talk much about it.

. KISSING - it can be sweeter than the final "surrender".

. CARS - check your car tires, make sure you have gasoline and never apply make-up while driving.

. CLEANLINESS -  not just hygiene but in thoughts and actions.

. CREDIT CARDS - only spend money that you have.

. FRIENDS - keep your friends close but keep your enemies closer.

. FAITH - pray the hardest when you do not need or want anything.

. FATE - it's all in your hands since you cannot do anything about destiny.

. DEATH - do not lament the day that I leave you. My body may not be here but you know where I will always be, in your heart.

. LIFE - can be as colorful as you want it to be.

. DREAMS - it is what keeps us awake even if we are asleep at night.

. TIME - never think of what could have been; do and be.

. ATTITUDE - Behave as if you care what people think, even if you don't.

. LOVE - Do it your way! I only want you to be happy.

. BROTHERS - you did not choose them but you can make the most of who you got.

. IN-LAWS - Love them because your brothers love them. They are family.

. GENEROSITY - the reward is in the giving itself. Do not expect anything in return when you give a part of yourself away.

. GRATITUDE - be thankful for everything that you get in life. Blessings and gifts are the good ones; but be most thankful for the trials in life because those are given to you because you can surpass them. It builds character.

There are so much more that I have learned from my Tatay and everyday for us is Father's Day. He is the best!!

Jorge Francisco Isidoro Luis Borges Acevedo

Also known as Jorge Luis Borges. He is my R's all-time favorite literary persona.

My favorite quote by Jorge Luis Borges goes something like this...."To fall in love is to create a religion with a fallible God."

I am certain he originally stated this quote in spanish but I love the essence of it. Timeless and true!

Today, we commemorate Jorge Luis Borges'  26th death annivesary. His fiction writings strongly live on.

R is a person who loves to read and enjoy the works of great literary minds most especially that of Borges'. And I love that about R. He is wonderful because he is who he is by the books and art that influenced him when he was growing up.  To this day, R still surrounds himself  with the works of Jorge Luis Borges; the life, the person, the short stories and essays together with Borges' work that explored dreams and unreality. His body of work gives him immortality through the likes of my R.

Thank you, Senor Borges for being a great influence to my R.

Healing a Broken Heart

I am at peace.

The heart is a body organ consisting mostly of muscles but strong and inexplicably center to man's humane existence and experience. We consult our heart when our mind defies and betrays us. Our passion is dictated but what is in our heart. We love with all our heart never with our mind. An organ that marvels me and leaves in me awe of what it can do.

 Just when you think the world is closing in on you, someone extends that loving and true heart with a tender hand that will heal what ails you.

When I read yesterday's post, it sounded like I was giving up. I wasn't! It just sounded like I was very close to it. Giving up has never been an option for me when it comes to my relationship with R.

 And to those out there that are very close to giving up on true love, don't! For it is always worth another try, another day and a another chance.

There is beauty that comes out of resilience and hope. Things and situations may seen dire at times but if your heart has love in it, there is nothing you will not do to save the pieces of the proverbial broken mirror. Things never really do remain the same in each passing minute. So what, if it is not the same! It could be better.

Change is a precursor to better things, if you choose to make it as such. Change happens for a reason. Circumstances like challenges "mirror" yourself. If it is time for change, change will change you. We should be open to improving ourselves and our various relationships with those we truly love. The road to betterment is never paved in silk nor milk and honey thus not easy sailing. I get that now. I am wiser but love even deeper.

To wish to "DELETE" something, obliterates the lesson we all have to learn. And for what it is worth, experiences though very painful at times, remind us that we are human. Forgiveness, we can give and its limitations and pain, we manage. Living is tough but loving makes the tough times irrelevant. Sacrifices are the seeds that we plant hoping they bear fruit. Challenges we face are heavy bricks thrown at us but if we use them as foundation to become a better person and use love as cement that hold these "bricks" together, it makes for a very strong personal relationship foundation.

R, is an exceptional man. I need to say that. He is worth all these and more. I am only beginning to understand the degree of my love for him and how he is truly devoted to me. I am humbled.

Healing a broken heart is never easy but it is possible. I am a living testament to that possibility.

My sad and bad days are behind me. I am at peace.

As the fog lifts from the mountains that I am looking at right now, I know the sun is somewhere back there making its way behind these logubrious-looking clouds. I live for those moments believing that the sun will come out brighter than ever. Hope is one thing that was left inside Pandora's box and I believe that. Loving is believing.  Never giving up hope gives a woman like me the courage and the strength to see challenges in my resolve just to be here for my R.

Love is simple but people complicate it. It is the equation of love. When you find that true love in your life and most things are in their proper places, your heart beats faster, you breath deeper, sleep soundlier, smile brighter, laugh louder but remember one must also strive  harder to keep the love going for it takes some work but with dedication, it can be so beautiful and surprisingly rewarding in all sorts of ways.

Love is never selfish. We hear that all the time but when put to the test and you know who really matters, you will do the right thing and true healing is on its way. It is a wonder how a good open heart can make way for healing.

Tomorrow is another day and it looks even better from where I am sitting.

I am at peace.



Few and far in between...

My resolve is being challenged.

I have deferred posting for awhile because I had a lot of work to do in my relationship with R. There were good times to be had. We have been making headway for the last several days but more work is up ahead. It is an uphill battle.

Just as things were starting to calm down..there is always a factor here and there that presents itself to challenge my resolve.

I have been working and praying very hard for this relationship to work and I have been doing what I thought is humanly possible to get it moving. But somehow, I always come up short of obtaining that goal. R, in his credit is doing what he can to help me. I am grateful for his efforts.

Am I trying to fix a broken mirror? I don't know. They say, one can hurt oneself in hoping to fix a broken mirror. I am beginning to think that I am in that situation. Maybe it is just best to leave it broken rather than hurting myself or R in the process in my earnest effort to look at things the same way again.

I treasure any minute that is a happy moment with R. We had a glorious weekend together. It was perfect. But there are just too many "outside" factors that are interferring in this "healing process". There is almost no "quiet" moment for just the two of us. It is "noisy" even in sheer silence.

I now know, I am jealous of what I cannot see. What can I do? Can you blame me? After what I have been through? I have trust issues still, if you care to know. Deep down I realize this is taking me much longer to get over with. Just when I was about to get up and things are looking up, I get beaten down again. 

What is one to do when one is down for the count? Maybe love is not enough? Where does one draw the strength from? Who does one seek reassurance from that things will be okay and it will work out for the best in the end?

I am posting this now with questions more than ever.

What I would really like to do is hit that elusive "DELETE" button, so someone please show me where I can press that and make all this go away. I have this gnawing feeling in my heart that I am alone even with R laying down next to me.

My needs are simple. I want only one person and even that I can't have truly for myself. Can you imagine the agony in that?

The shades of gray are really getting darker and my worst fear is coming to light. I will hold on as long as I can for too much is at stake here. And tomorrow, I am sure it will not be as bad as it is today. Tough times are somehow casting their shadow on me and good mornings are starting to get fewer and farther apart. It kills me..I am not sure if I can really do this.

Self-doubt is one thing I detest with every fiber of my being but lately I question myself so often that it eats me up inside, I get physically ill just thinking about it... but I never question my choices..those I have to live with and I try to do what is right without hurting another human being in the process. My resolve is strong.. but for how long.

Forgiveness has its limits. By no stretch of the imagination, am I a saint. I had a heart that got broken. I see with it more than my eyes do. It is a curse, I tell you. But what can I do? It can be thought of as a blessing or a gift but when you see with your heart you set yourself up for heartaches.

Today was not a good day.

Tomorrow is another day and it will be better, I know it.

The garden is in bloom..nice!

Sharing the bounty of my hardwork. These flowers are wonderful. Gardening is a very good thing!