Fridays are the pits

You know how some people detest Mondays? Well, as much as people keep asking "Is it Friday yet?" or "Thank God it's Friday!" I am at the other end of the fence on this one - I do not like Fridays.

I used to look forward to them but that was ages ago. So far away were those days that they seem like a different lifetime ago. It is hard to remember those nights and days anymore. It is hard to remember good times when tough times are still up ahead.

Today is Friday, so I feel like I am in the pits today. It will get better, I keep telling myself that. Coz to think otherwise would really make my knees buckle and I think I will faint. Things can only be better from where I am standing from right now, but I have to brace myself for what lies before me. It does not seem clear and there are more questions than answer. The day of reckoning will come and I know it will a moment in my life that will be etch in my mind for the rest of my life. I will be strong when that moment of reckoning comes and things will get better. I believe in that.

To say that I am suffering at this time is correct but I am also struggling with the fact that when your heart is broken in to pieces it is a herculean task to put the shattered pieces together and they somehow do not fit, I guess it is hard to do this with tears still in your eyes.

I know when that moment I heard my heart break I will remember the sound forever. I keep hearing it when I am engulfed in silence and then the loud sound comes back to mind. It is never easy to go through this.

I know now that in any relationship that is facing trouble that both people involved play a role in the state of their affairs. No one is a passive participant in this thing called love. If you react, you are involved. If you do not react your inaction is still a reaction. Love is all about reactions and you are what your reaction is. If I only knew then what I know now, I would have been going through a different experience right now. But again, experience is what you go through in the moment that you need to learn something, never before.

I sigh alot now. Nothing takes my breath like a moment of peace where for a split second I smile and then laugh, I treasure those stolen moments, a moment of pure pleasure and no pain of any kind.

Fridays used to be fun and exciting, they are no longer. All I have are memories of great shared moments of those good ol' Fridays. I look forward to better Fridays, it will be awhile before that happens but I still look forward to it. To think otherwise will just make me burst into tears again. And tomorrow will be another day, Saturday.I like any other day just not Friday at this time.... the sun will come up and life will go on....Life like love you have to roll with the punches and sometimes I get bruised but never defeated. It is just darn difficult at this time...

See ya next time. Be good to one another....