Would you choose what is behind Door #1, Door #2 or Door# 3

In the last 3 days, I have been standing behind 3 doors, figuratively.

I am always not sure which door to choose. It is the unknown behind each door that leaves me wondering "what could be behind Door #1, is it going to be of lesser value than what is behind Door #2 or better yet what about if I choose Door #3 and it is a dud?"

But often times it is our desire to "have it all" that makes making a decision very difficult. The deciding part is not hard, per se. It is the fear that I might make the wrong decision and I would fall flat on my face again, in pain. And for all intents and purposes, who really wants that much drama in one's life, huh? I mean I am declaring myself NOT a glutton for punishment.

So again for the last 3 days, I have held and been steadfast in my decision that what I have and what R and I are right now, is just what we need. We are exactly in the phase of our "unique" relationship that keeps us very close friends. The doors might be closed, metaphorically but our hearts are always open.

I would like to say that love is a really very deep emotion. If you really love someone (and my R knows this) you are willing to make the sacrifice wholeheartedly. It is my wish to see him happy, and I try everyday (while time permits) to show him (rather than just tell him) that his happiness means alot to me, even if he achieves such happiness without me. Of course I am sad, but sometimes, you just have to pick a door. Sooner or later, a choice has to be made. And a choice is only as good as your resolute to stand behind that choice. The door at this point is immaterial and unimportant. I get that now.

It is my wish to attempt to correct all that I had done wrong to R. I will not dwell on what wrong was done to me, that is not important now. What matters is, if each door opens up and shows me what is behind them, it would not make any difference to me now.

I would always make the choice based (I would love to say heart) on love.

I will choose love in its purest, untainted and unjaded form above anything any door can bring me. I sleep better at night and it would be along the lines of the change that I aspire in the new me. Simplicity you know, it opens new door and eyes for you.

I am at peace now. I have found the middle ground that I have been so agonizing about.

The future is not in what doors I choose but what I make of what I get from the door I choose. I get it now...and I mean..I understand all that now.