To even try to truly explain what grief is would be like trying to name every single person that ever walked the earth. It is so profound of a feeling that most of the time, we mere human are at a loss of words in trying to verbalize it. And no matter what word we say or use, it is somehow never truly reflective of what the "real" grief is about at that moment.
We all grieve. We loose someone dear to us and it creates that emptiness in the very bottom of our hearts and our eyes starts to well in tears. A feeling to intense our soul has to breathe in form of tears.
What brought about this particular post on grief is that my late mother's brother just passed away. He lived next door to us. Only a 7 foot wall separates our homes. My Tito Johnny and his wife moved next door when were were toddlers. My father and mother, procured the house and land for them. He was my mother's favorite brother, closer to her age than any of her other siblings. I loved them from the very start. I have a cousin that was almost like a younger sister to me, to the envy of my other maternal cousins. We shared everything. At one point, we were so alike, a boy in school was wooing us at the same time (we laughed about it then, we are still laughing about it now!). Our families are close.
In the years past, my Tito Johnny was always there when my mother needed him. They would loose a relative, he was the only one that brought my mother the "sad and bad news". So when it was my time to grieve, my Tito Johnny was there.. he would give me short words of encouragement and no matter what the news is, he is always strong and straight faced about these things, matter of factly almost. But like family he never would advise me on things only a father has the right to say to a daughter. He always knew that he was the Tio. I love him for that. He respected my father, very much. He loved us, his nieces and nephews. He loved our children as well. So generous to everyone. When I looked at him, during my unexpected visits, I always remember my mother. He reminded me of her. There was great comfort in that.
I see his children grieving for him now, and it is tough. I would like to tell them that my Tito Johnny is in a better place now, no pain or suffering. But those words will not give comfort to those he left behind. His wife can finally rest as well, after years of being his caregiver. As far as I can remember, she never went anyway for more than half a day away from him. He was bedridden for awhile before he died.
I would like to tell my cousins, the pain will ease with time. But do I really believe that? I know that anytime one grieves for someone they lost, they only manage the pain and try to live their daily routine but time does not lessen the feeling of missing the loved one, the scar is still there. And you live with that loss forever. The last thing I would say is what I hear most people who attempt to offer comforting words to grieving that, Life goes on. Though that might be true, I am sure I would not want that to be said to me, if I am the one grieving.
We grieve for parents lost, lover's lost...and all the other losses humans experience. So last night, I wrote my cousins and told them these...
I love them all.
Their father always spoke kindly and sweetly about each and everyone of them, when I would visit him, he would proudly list each of their accomplishments. He smiled alot.
He was a great source of comfort to his friends. He was generous.
They have to hold on to each other in this most difficult time. There is strength amongst them.
They have to be strong for their mother. She needs them now the most, more than anytime in her life.
Everytime they think of him, they say a prayer of thanks.
He loved them so much.
If they need a shoulder to cry on, I am here. If they need someone to listen to them, I am here.
I love them all.
Grieving is a very strange beast. Grieving is for the living, you see. It can take everything from you, if you do not share the overwhelming feeling, it eases the pain. It is an intense emotion. Grief is the pain we pay as a price for love. It can take a long time for others to cope with grief, others recover in a shorter span of time. I focus on the positive in choosing my words of comfort. Loosing someone as important as a parent, can almost break your heart but I would like to think that parents do not really leave their children, unless they have taught their children what they need to learn in life. And then they go.
It is almost easy to say that grieving can be almost impossible to understand because an element of regret come into play. But again, we focus on the positive.
Loosing someone you love is never easy. But again, what is life but a series of letting go when it is time and making memories that will last us a lifetime. Life trials and pain, together with heartaches teaches us something. Each lesson is different to each person. Death is never easy to deal with. We accept the loss of a loved one, and continue thinking of the lost loved one, in their finest and best days. I promise you, it will always bring a smile onto your face rather than tears in your eyes.
Our departed loved ones would want us to live life. Grieving is how we show how we truly love somebody that was once a physical part of our life. They can still be a part of our lives, even if they are gone from this world, spiritually, and I think that in that sense they live inside us, forever and no one can take or diminish that, not even passing time.
Bye Tito Johnny, rest in peace. I love you. And I will check on my cousins for you. I will miss your laugh the most. Rest in Peace.
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