Confessions....

Please do not ask me to explain the title of this post. Thank you. I will have to wait and see how often "R" reads my postings here for me to find out what he thinks about my confessions.

I am struggling here in Argentina to adapt and make a life with my "R". He is from here so "no prob" there, but for me, I do not speak castellano very well and it frustrates me to an unbelievable and indescribable degree. I do not tell anyone but I do not have the sense of freedom here that I have in the US. I do not have a car here. Again since my spanish is limited it is frustrating for me to take the taxi and go anywhere, I am not familiar with the streets. 2 points against me. Not that I ever kept score in the past.

For instance I always end up with something I do not want, was not what I was looking for, not something I want to do, but since I do not want to hurt anyone's feelings and cannot express my own sentiments I end up with whatever! And that frustrates the be-geezez out of me!!

My friends live all over the city and they have to make an appointment to see me because I have a store to run and business to attend to. Expectations and responsibilities I can deal with, now when someone demands of my time - that gets my skin crawling and I do not like that. Let us just leave that sentence at that. Man!

"R" has always been everything but the picture and actions of true love to me. I am here because of him. It says alot I know. The sacrifices I am making is unbelievable, it still makes me cry at night when I think about who I miss out there. But again, I am here for him.

The biggest fear I have is for one day to be so frustrated that I leave after all these years, pack my bags and ask for that last kiss and say goodbye. I cry every time I am very near and at the verge of that point. It is not easy being me and being here. But again I am here because of him.

This last week was an eye opener big time, there are things that are just beyond love and our control. I sit here and am having a difficult time putting my feelings into words ...I confess, maybe I have bitten more than I can chew. I am not sure what the problem is, so I am unable to even begin to imagine the possible solution.

This I know...after weeks for search I have found myself a spanish teacher! Ms.S is just the perfect teacher for me. She came today for the first time and I have a great time learning the things that I need to learn to start conversing basics coherent castellano. To "R" this is a personal decision of mine to take a teacher as a token of my promise that I will try to do all that is humanly possible to make this business grow. I am hoping my level of frustration will lessen once I can express myself to others, join conversations and answer questions over the phone.

About the other things that I have no control over, I will let you handle that. You have better judgement than I have, I know one thing only and that I love you. I do not need anything else, as long as I have you.

I hope to practice my castellano when you get back from your trip and correct me when I make a mistake, I have a libretita to take down notes. Ms.S. was happy to take me on as a student because she thinks I am doing it all for the right reason, to improve myself.

Ciao, and see you another day.