The balance of things..

   It is the weekend again. I love weekends.

  

  Since I have not posted anything on here for the last week, let me try to give you an update..on where I am .. This will be an introspective update on how I am doing in my healing process. Man, this process has long been drawn out and tiring to me (you too?). Exhausting at times, but this is the pace I am going and I cannot do anything about it. Forcing to hasten the process might render me emotionally limp. A relapse is definitely, definitely, out of the question. I abhor having to slip again at the bottom of the proverbial hill of depression just to start from zero again.

   I still get my bad days, honestly. I am just getting better at channeling my energy into something positive and smiling as I do it. Pretending is easier but not being honest with myself, so I just occupy my mind and time with something that is more productive. Bad days can be worst and a test at times. It would be easier to give up rather than dealing with doubting myself if what I am doing or decision that I have made is the right one. Nothing worst than doubting not oneself but second guessing one's decision on affairs of the heart.

  Like I told R, a life without drama does not make for a good story but I can live with a peaceful and quiet life. I am too old for all the dramas or anymore dramas in my life. A little comedy, I can handle any day. Give me more of that, please.

   Since I got back from the boondocks and back to the US, it has been a daily dose of trying to stay focused on what is important and what really matters. At times, my resolve to the whole "let us start fresh and give this another go" approach still bothers me. Yes, it still bothers me. There, I said it!

   I am not sure what it is that really "bothers" me. Let me share what I have done so far..I went through a phase where I stepped back and looked at the whole picture; I have accepted the fact that "sh*t" happens in life; I am not perfect, will never be, so people I love will not be perfect but human; I am not always in control; what others might think of me is not important to me, not anymore; being unforgiving is just another trait of mine, people must accept me and not want to change me on that matter; I will never know all the answers to all my questions regarding relationships and heartbreaks; I am happy with who I am and comfortable in my own skin now more than ever; I have not hurt anyone; I have learned that my heartaches cannot kill me; friendships have an expiration date; to move on means to love thy self again; like Katut said, to loose your balance in love is to live a balanced life.

   I have stopped crying a long time ago. 

   So there. As far as the "healing" goes, I have gone leaps and bounds to get to where I am today. But more work is up ahead. I am strong. To be "bothered' by aspects in love is okay . In time, I will be a better version of me. I live for that day. Questions will always be there. Not having the answers might be the very answer I am looking for. Only time can really tell where all this is headed. I know something bigger and better is around the bend. I would like to think so.

  Change is what makes tomorrow worth waiting. And I as long as I am good to the ones I love, that is all that matters.

   If you get one of those bad days and all you wish is to curl in bed and draw the covers over your head, don't. Bad days too will pass. Find a reason to smile and start with that. Healing starts one day and one step at a time. The answers will come. Hope is the last thing left in Pandora's box and might not remove of all life's worries but it gives us a light to go on.

   Think that no matter how hurt we have been, those people that had hurt us, showed us who they really are and showed us how brighter our light really is, inner light. We should thank those that hurt us, for they make us stronger and then we close that door so we loose no more light to unnecessary darkness.

   Smile a little, laugh a little...

   Tomorrow, will be another day..