I remain positive and hopeful

It is best to remain positive when triggers of ache befall me. I try. I really try.

Yesterday, was a tough day. I was overcome with the hurt again and this time,  I did not feel anything. I was numb. Never before have I felt this and it scares the living daylights out of me. I do not summon the sadness and heartache it comes in ebbs and highs.

I am not sure how much more time and what more do I need to say or think to get past this. There are no more tears to be shed. My body is exhausted from the mental and emotional circus I have been through. My tough days are getting tougher to overcome...

Yet, I remain positive and hopeful that up until the very end...our love wins.

Mastering HTC One S

"Mama's got a brand new toy!"

To say that I am enamored with my TMobile HTC One S..is so close to being accurate. What is there not to get all giddy and excited about this thin, sleek, fast and with all the widgets and doodads this doohickey comes with. Marvelous! I mean "phat fast!" and I love it.I carry just one phone now when I used to carry two. Imagine that.....

Iphone, begone!

I will have to figure out how to take a photo of this and post it here. You will love it. The first objective I really had when looking for a phone was a phone that did it all... simple request...and this baby, does everything EXCEPT wash the dishes!!

I can organize with it, take excellent photos for the Yelp (tm) reviews I do and the food I eat and the flowers I grow..everything! With excellent, no make that exceptional pictures! Love it. And I know that any woman wanting to get the next best thing to having a concierge follow you around all day,  HTC One S is the next best thing.

I am not a technocrat but I know a good gadget/friend/ memory/secretary that I can hold in the palm of my hand (with a nice red stylus' help) when I see one.

I can load free apps on it..FREE. I got Angry Birds (tm) for R..he plays it almost every night and he is getting very good at it, if I may say so myself. Constant correct practice does pay off. He enjoys it as well.

All the apps are for Android OS, so this is all new to me. And I love new things, who wouldn't, right? I am learning new good things everyday with this phone.

It has the ice cream sandwich operating system. I can move things around with a flick of the wrist, just right at my fingertips. Wow!

It synchronizes everything from my contacts, to Facebook (tm), Google (tm) Hotmail (tm) , I mean this baby is very, very good. I can even blog and load photos with this. Amazing!

I downloaded the ColorNotes App..and I can do lists for the day, for the week, monthly..and just like that - when I am done with it, I tap on the list name and it is gone. Did I say it was fast? I did. And it is.

I hardly endorse any product ever but this one, let me say that if you are looking or in the market for a new phone - look no more - HTC One S is the best there is in the market right now. Google knows what it is doing. And I am pleased with my purchase.

The PlayStore is an app that is a gift that keeps on giving.

The phone quality is very good, crisp and clear.

The screen on this - leave me speechless. It is so freakin' great.

I love to text and this is so much more fun to text with.

It has a Movie Editor App as well.. it takes 99 continous photo shots with just one held press. Whoa!

Wifi - OMG! It will take me a whole day to herald the wonders this piece of technology can do. When I am at home and have Wifi, I can make calls via wifi. No need to use my plan minutes. And when I am out of wifi coverage area my mobile network just kicks in ..how great is that?!

I have graduated from the Iphone (tm) it was very good, but by golly this is even better..much better..no comparison.

Okay, is the drool apparent? I think I am foaming in the mouth when I start talking about my HTC One S.

Consider it. I am sure you will not regret having one. Just remember to charge it nightly. Depending on your use of the unit it can drain the battery life in general but if you use it within reason, charging it at overnight will suffice for a one day or whole day use.

Ok enough said..I love it!

Thank you R. :-)

How does one begin to garden..

Oh, you know how it goes..I believe that you also know how to start gardening. Remember, there is a gardener in everyone. maybe you have not yet discovered that side of you the one that can grow either vegetables, herbs or flowers..it is in every one of us. You gotta to believe.... to make it happen, is my mantra.

A few simple tools is all you need. If all else fails -  hands are our best tools  take it from me,  I had some pretty long nails when all these gardening began. They are down to a stubble now - and then again there are gloves - but there's nothing like getting some dirt in your hands.  A small trowel, a four pronged fork, a pair of gloves, a bucket for watering..viola! You are well-equipped!

Pick what you would like to work with.. be it with veggies, flowers or herbs. Keep it simple. Read the instructions. Ask questions at the nursery. Each plant that is sold out there come with a tag that help us make these babies grow. We want to succeed in seeing each plant come to life... in color..and no better color is there that is good for the eyes and the environment better than green.

Don't forget to water - preferrably in the morning. Moderation is the key. Plant or re-pot them in the morning as well. We would not want to send our babies "to bed in their wet pajamas" now, do we? There you go..it's the simple things make gardening fun.

 Do not over think things. Do I talk to my plants? - Shhh...but I do. I sing even..gently of course. I also listen and try to "read" what each one wants or likely need.

Pick dead leaves and unsightly petals off the plant. Plants love to look pretty too! Bugs can be picked by hand from the plant without squashing them or worst using pesticides. 

Composting is also a good thing. Take some dirt, dig a hole and nourish with peelings from your kitchen..anything..banana peels, onion skins, tomatoes, potato skins, sprigs of herbs - anything.. then cover with dirt..and aerate now and again. Water the top and if compost is ready, use.. there is beauty in simplicity, I say. No need for smancy-fancy fertilizer - make your own, be creative.

Here are the photos, I promised..Enjoy!

Happy gardening, everyone.

There is a gardener inside everyone..

Gardening is such an addictive endeavor.

I plant for a living. Really, I plant things to grow and then make my living out of that. This is not new to me or me to it! So when the "project" of creating a garden for R was undertaken..I jumped into it with full heart, both arms and legs!! I am loving everyday of it. The photo above is a collage of the blue flowers that I would never find in my neck of the woods, and became my inspiration to start off this project.

The snapdragons are bright and sturdy..I love it! On the foreground are the basils that R likes (he used some yesterday for his roasted peppers, mozzarella and basil with olive oil salad - fabulous!!).

Geraniums and a yellow rose are also in the to-be planted list. Exciting!!

Here are some thoughts and lines that I have learned about gardening...

• "More grows in the garden than the gardener's sow' - Spanish proverb
• Water to plants are like "I love you's", the more you do it the better the results.
• A wise gardener anticipates June in January.
• As a gardener, I learn more from my mistakes than in my successes.
• I practice my optimism when I tend the garden.
• Patience
• Like people, plant respond positively to the extra attention.
• Cultivate the garden within.
• Notice how plants that are about to removed have a habit of suddenly doing better?
• Gardening is a way of showing I believe in tomorrow.
• I bury my troubles by digging in the dirt.
• Hope never dies in a true gardener's heart.
• Cares melt away when you kneel in a garden.
• Adam and Eve were in a garden, where it all began.
• So many seeds, so little time.

This afternoon, I spoke and visited my neighbors backyard garden to check out their cherry tomatoes that are in full bloom and have fruits. I need the tomato trellis. She is so kind to show me her plants and give me gardening tips.

 I even spoke to a lady who bought roses at the nursery as I was buying more herbs this morning for R's herb garden. The bond between gardeners are unique. And the veteran gardeners can spot a wannabe instantly. I had to pass the two question test. Luckily, I did! .It can be a very interesting verbal exchange as one stands in the check out line.

Non-gardeners are just gardeners that have not taken the time nor invested the sweat to grow things. Such therapeutic activity can really be good for you when you want to believe in the things that is more than yourself. Gardening can be loads of fun.

Planting can be laborious and outright tedious at times but seeing them do better the next day is the reward in itself..and them comes the fruits and the herbs..wonders of nature.

I will take more photos of the garden tomorrow. From zero life to what it is now..I love it! I will share the progress with you.

Spring is close and summer is almost here..the sun feels great in the morning as I water these plants, pull out the weeds..and the best thing is, I will get to do it again tomorrow. Life goes on.

Oishii..meaning delicious in Japanese

Sushi..Oishii!

 There are few simple pleasures in life, in a diva's life in  my case that is worth its weight in gold..or raw fish.. in this case.

I love seafood. I come from a place where seafood is accessible and fresh, daily..and yours for the taking (for a price, of course!). I come here in another part of the world and enjoy some more fish. How fabulous is that?!

Alas, but I cannot divulge where this place is..for even here, for a relatively reasonable price (lots of good things in life can come with a steep price tag..) you can savour, devour or in my case, love, love, love sushi..in a bento box. 

We have a weekend tradition that have started decades ago..meaning ten plus some odd years really..R and I have been going to this place and we have been trying their selection of sushis. We have favorites and...well,we have favorites..again this weekend will not be an exception.

Terrific and delicious sushi...next time someone invites you to go try a Japanese restaurant don't be turned off by the sushi word..raw fish - coz it's not all about that..it is about the best ingredients put together with a lot of care and meticulous precision with a splash of simple artistry for your pleasure and enjoyment. If you have to have good food, why not make it the best! Japanese food, let me tell you if made by authentic food handlers could be a heavenly experience..try it, at least once..some sushi are cooked, if I might add that to entice you to at least try it. Make it a gastronomical adventure. Cooked sushi are the ebi (shrimp) or the tako (octupos) or the mackerel and many others..with a little wasabi and sprinkling of soy sauce (kikkoman only, please!) you are set to have a great lunch.

Note: pictures below (Shrimp tempura roll, burdock salad and a piece of grilled mackerel and the ever fave - tuna roll, cucumber roll and an assortment of sushi..."Oishii".

These are pictures of our last couple of trips to this Japanese joint. Now,I can't tell you where it is coz then I have to kill you...hahaha..

Have a great and safe weekend everyone! I know we will..Cheers!

 

Cerebral Calisthenics....

It is such a lovely day today that I am posting something light and sunny..to be consistent with the gorgeous weather, the lovely view I am enjoying by the window sill - tapping on the keys to my computer. Listening to the chirping birds, the mountains, valley and hills are magnificent...anything more than this..I would be in Italy sipping a nice cup of coffee and nibbling some panaforte..hahaha..I wish! But again...

Let's have some fun, shall we...

Question: What do you call a good looking, sensitive and intelligent guy?
Answer: A hearsay or commonly known as.. a rumor.

Q: Why do men chase after women they have no plans of marrying?
A: Same reason dogs chase after cars they don't have plans on driving.

Q: Why are men like chocolates?
A: The good ones are usually rich and goes straight to your hips!

The answers to these questions are at the end of the page - try to do the test..WITHOUT CHEATING, please..

Brain twister: What is a fifteen (15) letter word for - one to one?

Rearrange the letters to the following 7 words to come up with a word that means "almost the same" as the original word given..
Use every single letter on the original word.
 Example:
 Astronomer - when the letters are rearranged I have - Moon Starer

Desperation -

The eyes -

Election Results -

A Decimal Point -

Eleven plus two -

Mother in law -

George Bush -


Answers:
Brain twister - keep thinking!! Huh! Not going to get the answer that quickly!!

Rearrange the letters to the word..
DESPERATION - A rope ends it
THE EYES - They see
ELECTION RESULTS - Lies lets recount
A DECIMAL POINT - Im a dot in place
ELEVEN PLUS TWO - Twelve plus one
MOTHER IN LAW - Woman Hitler
GEORGE BUSH - He bugs Gore

Hope you had fun..I did!

Are men like computers?

This is just a fun list...and to be clear, I don't hate men. I love them!!

Men are similar to...computers because..

1. A newer model is just about to be released.
2. I need to know when to re-boot.
3. Low in memory but otherwise it works just fine.
4. I need to press "ENTER" to get anything to start.
5. It is ON but the screen is dark. What is with that?
6. I need to plug it in to get some power going through it.
7. Looks and seems to work perfectly fine, until I decide to take it home.
8. Back-ups are advisable.
9. They like to be stroked like the keyboard.
10. I could never understand the manual, even if I tried!
11. Oftentimes, it is hard to get a connection.
12. Most are indeed, user-friendly.
13. I have to be patient to get the hang of working with a new one.
14. Can't live with them, yet can't live without them.
15. They are handy to have around.
16. They come with features that I never use.
17. They are never fast enough when I am in a hurry.
18. They need passwords.
19. Lots of rules to the user but  rules don't seem to apply to them!
20. Lots of lost data, anyone?
21. I get days when I want to kick or throw them out.
22. Does swearing and cussing at them really help?
23. Their Operating System (OS) is more of a personal preference than functionality.
24. I need to virus-scan then occassionally.
25. Updating is required.
26. They crash!
27. Others get hacked so I have to make sure mine are well-protected.
28. Size does matter.
29. Power surges can put them out totally for the night.
30. They "shift", "control", "backspace", "insert" and ENTER..but "Escape" ..can come in very handy.

Pictures can tell you more than words can ever say..

Bushes with firecracker-looking flowers or are they chilis?

Artichokes, are they?



Spring flowers in full bloom



Are these not the prettiest of pink flowers you ever saw, or what?



I will let you in on a little secret...

To say, that this month has been my "mensis horribilos" is about right...but, allow me to let you in on a little secret...

Yesterday's post about "turning the page" did not come easy. I am honest when I say that. Not easy but I am at peace with it. Really! The smile hasn't not quite  reached my eyes yet but in my heart, it is there.

The secret is ... two nights ago when I could not go to sleep, I opted to count my blessings (and not the proverbial sheeps) that simple act was the trigger that made a big change inside of me. Things, feelings, perspective and judgements, all my own -  turned around..the light was there.

I realised that great blessings do come out of any difficulty.

Sometimes eyes and ears are closed and hearts are sealed shut. In my times of distress and sadness, as a human being, I get into an automatic mode of putting up the walls again that have protected me in the past - defense mechanisms, most call it. I see what I see, I feel what I feel and I think what I think. And the world be damned! Yet in life just like in love, when it involves people - events, situations, indiscretions or circumstances  are not always in black and white. They do come in shades of gray. But as a woman, (never ever being the one to be on the fence on matters that involve the heart) I realised that loving is not only about having the right person in my life to be in-love with but actually... ME, being the right person to the one I love who also loves me back.

Counting my blessings that night opened my eyes to what I have always known but did not want to acknowledge and that is I had tunnel vision when it comes to expectations in relationships. I held others, including R, to my standards and that left so much room for error and disappointment. It almost seemed like it is a recipe for disaster. What I know now, is that my standards are my own. I hold only myself to uphold it. R, must have his own standards and live up to them, not to me.

You cannot disappointment anyone worse than yourself, I reckon.

I am in a loving relationship. I can only control my self, my reactions, my words and actions for they are reflective of what is valuable to me. My morals are my own and I should not mold others to fit it. An understanding is in place now and we are bound to honor that understanding. Halleluyah, is our song!!

Blessings come in all forms, shapes and at various times of our life. Expect them when you least expect them! Be ready and be willing to change for the best version of you. Change means growth, growth can bring pain. Facts of Life! We deal with it. For blessings are simple reminders that Someone is looking out for us. Stay positive. It can do you wonders.

The secret once again is, when in times of trouble and when you are feeling like everything is "going wrong and out of whack" in your life, take a moment and count your blessings. You will be surprised how your life has been full of color, texture and dimension that in the grand scheme of things these have shaped  YOU to what you are now. And with this realization, you will come to accept that you are what your scars signify.healing and with beauty. 

Counting one's blessings bring you closer to God. He never gives us any test in life that does not bear a lesson we MUST learn and a trial that we cannot surpass with flying colors. His faith in us in unwavering. It is us that often times loose faith in Him. He believes in us most especially during moments that we do not believe in ourselves. On moments that we loose sight of what role we have in enriching the lives of those around us, He allows darkness so we can see glimpses of light to re-direct us to the right path. It is never  about the "drop in the ocean" but the "ocean in the drop".

Think about it. Count your blessings and say "Thank you". It is good for the spirit and best for the soul. When you think you are alone, you are not...somewhere, someone has a good thought about you.. and you go with that.

Living life is not about how many breaths you take, (like love) it is about those precious moments that take your breath away!

Today is the best day yet.

..Thoughts that did not make it to post..

Hi y'all everyone. It is a crisp, clear, sunny with a slight ocean breeze kinda day..I am loving it.
Today, I am finally turning the page.

Let me list some of the "printable" thoughts I had that did not make it to post here: Enjoy!

..."Gosh, I hope I can pull this off. God, I hope so!"

..."I love his smell before we go to sleep at night and how he tastes when we   wake up first thing in the morning".

.. " I did not do anything to deserve this!"

.. " I believe in having options; planning was never my strongest suit."

... " You cannot disturb the balance of things in a relationship and not pay the price somewhere down the line in time."

..."..there was some innocence lost, you know.."

..." Hating the woman was never an option. Hatred is not in my family value".

..." An excuse is worse and more terrible than a lie, for an excuse is a lie guarded" - Pope John Paul II

..." I was shocked that it did hurt more than I thought it really would."

..." I was taken for a fool". So trusting, so naive..and now what?

..." He makes me laugh, he opens doors for me, he whispers my name so ever softly, runs his fingers along the back of my hand - it tingles, he brings me bars of chocolate, gently strokes and kisses my hand, he closes his eyes when he kisses me, presses his lips on my forehead, tightly holds my hand with our intertwined fingers, caresses my arm and gazes into my eyes with such deep, sincere love and affection ..." That is how my R has always been to me and what is there not to love in that, right?

..." With all things considered, I will not go down without a fight! No way, Jose!"

...." He will remember what happened here, for he saw what it did to me and almost brought the end to us. He will remember. I hope he can forgive himself as well." We won't forget but we can forgive. And for now, that is good.

..."When something as beautiful as what R and I have is within our hands, we have to honor the gift by taking very good care of each other, together or apart..it is a testament to the devotion we have for "us" more than the "you" or the "me" in it.

... " The bigger my capacity to love, the deeper the depth I will have when I get hurt"...

..." I will still sing and dance like no one is watching and love like I won't get hurt"...

..." We must be doing something right, because we are still together.."

..."I live for the happy days. I just need to find some peace amidst the stormy rain.."

..."I will not define him by what happened. He will have to do that himself. No one can teach him what lesson he must learn in that; all I do is stand here,next to him, turn the page, try to take the next step and be the G that I have become after all is said and done.."

..." When something happens it is never by coincidence but by a stroke of luck or God's way of checking on us if we still have our "eye on the ball"..."

..."Even in the darkest moments of our lives or when we are under fire, we must never forget to be gracious and thankful.." Class and proper breeding never goes out of style.

..." You cannot teach fidelity. But you know what infidelity is when it hits you.."

.."Beautiful days are beautiful days..we smile, we grow, we cry a little, but never loose sight - beauty is from within and go with that".

LOVE WINS...



As the dawn breaks...a promise of a new beginning...



An African quote states that... However long the night, the dawn will break.

Today, I chose to be happy. Actually, I was contemplating on being happy since last night..after my "smurfy" day.

Choosing to be happy today, of all days, was a long time coming. And the best way I thought I can be happy was to cheer someone else up. I succeeded in doing just that, if I may humbly say so myself. Funny thing is, I didn't even have to try hard..I set my heart into doing it and I did. And boy, did I have one heck of a good time..compassion is another word that also came to mind.

Happiness is being. I am re-learning the simple basics or fundamentals of simple living..If one wants to be happy, you have to create a surrounding or single moment that brings happiness to someone you truly love. Happiness begets happiness. I like the feeling. Today is a happy day. Thank you.

All great changes are preceded by chaos - Deepak Chopra

I feel smurfy today..small and "blue" (sad).

After a wonderful Sunday, I woke up with a heavy heart..something is looming behind the dark clouds..I will not relapse in my progress to recovery..too much is at stake!

THINK POSITIVE!! And so I blog.....

I have not kept count of the days since my shattering heartache, but the pain is  in me 'til this day..not really sure why they call it heart ache when your whole body is in pain. Something in me is irrevocably broken and I do not want R to pay for it (it is never about paying or punishment!) I need him to help me fix it. I do not want to find another guy either who will fix it for me. I see how R suffers because he sees me suffer with this.. where do we go from here?

If there is one thing that is unquestionable between us, it is that we truly love each other..

We think and feel about ourselves but love is at its best when we think about the other person and her feelings. Wonder why we close our eyes when we pray, kiss, cry and dream? It is because the best and beautiful things in life are not seen.. but felt.

I know, no one will be perfect and who wants to be, that is a tall order of the day, all I can hope for is to a better person each waking day. Good changes in relationships mean growth..Fear, uncertainty and discomfort goes hand in hand with said growth. I just wish I had a voice in the changes that happened to my relationship. I felt so jipped on that aspect - to say the least..my pain is rooted there.. Now, I know good things do fall apart so better things can fall together..

What I am about to decide on has no fear in my heart. I am not one to subscribe to "if only" (regret) but I am all for "next time" (hope). One day when my life flashes before my eyes, I want it to be worth watching! I can say with full conviction, "I loved R with all my heart, never took another man's hand nor kissed another man's lips, nor did I gaze at the moon with someone else nor wrapped my arms around another... while we were apart. There was so much respect for the man to even consider doing that, for I, always held his heart in my heart"..

Every action I made, every decision he made -  there are consequences to these things and he has to live with his past actions and choices as I have to live with mine..

What will see me through these tough times will be... my sincerity, understanding, humility and conscience.

Of the 6 billion people in the world, I fell in love with him. Like the stars in the sky all endless counts of them, it took one to bring out the sparkle and twinkle in my eyes..and make my dream come true. I believed in all these at one time. I would like to believe in them again, one day. Nothing in this world worth having ever comes easy. Life is never simple! Struggle, efforts, patience and sacrifice are just a few of the basic ingredients to this thing called Life...and two-gether, I hope our strong love will find a way to win.

I will keep the scar, thank you. It will remind me of these times and how I cannot make you love me a day longer than you want to; for the scar will bear witness to your sole power to decide if our love is worth it. My heart and spirit is healing slowly... but healing..Hope springs eternal, you know.

 Moving on is a word people use when they don't know what else to say..(just a thought!!)

It hurts because I care too much. The relationship has to go through some growing pains and thorny alleys. There are some pretty important life lessons learned here. It means..he and I must keep our eyes and our hearts open on the "weeds" that will come up the proverbial "garden of geraniums" of ours, it will not be without pests but we both have to tend to it closely, know what really matters, respect nature...  and it will grow beautifully.

A part of the prayer, I say each night goes like this..

          God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

          the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know

          the difference.....(by R. Niebuhr)

My issue here is trust and the loss thereof.

Trusting you again, is my decision. No relationship will survive in longevity without trust. Proving me wrong in trusting you again... now, that is entirely your choice.

If the shoe fits..

In line of keeping things light this weekend, allow me to share my first purchase when I got here..a pair of to-die-for 6 inch heels with an inch and a half platform...nude color and I love it!

I say, if the shoe fits...either it is expensive or I buy it in every possible color!

Enough said.

I hope everyone had a glorious weekend like I did.

Et hoc transibit..

..This too shall pass..

If you walk away with one thing from reading this today, let it be, that I hope what I have written in here has helped in one small way alleviate what you are going through..for this (or that) too shall pass..I know, easier said than done, right? I hope something good comes out of today's posting..

This post is a reflection of where I am in "the process" of what I need to go through. Healing the spirit, mending the heart and purifying the soul can teach us all a thing or two about who we really are.

I've read in the past, a line that goes.."There are some hurts that you never completely get over and one might think time will diminish their presence and to a degree..it does..but it still hurts because, well hurt - hurts". It did not bear any significance to me then but I get what it means now.

I always took pride that I am a loyal person (to a fault, at times) but as I reflect on that, there is not a single person I have loved that didn't eventually betray me..Coulda, shoulda, woulda goes through ones mind like the speed of light but it does not really change anything or worth holding unto longer than it serves its purpose..In the stillness of the night, I sigh and still wonder why..but I forge ahead being positive in my approach to this..

Pain is pain, called by any other name, will still taste bitter just the same. I said that.

When I heard my heart breaking into pieces, it woke me up in the middle of the night, I got up, sat in the darkness of the garage and sobbed. I thought, "My God, help me!" I so distinctively heard "Give up!" my mind tells me; but my heart was whispering, "Maybe" followed by "Try it one more time"... I am going with the latter..I always believed that after years of experience when one is facing darkness, all you have to do is turn around and face the light. Hope is stronger than fear.

Let me take a step back and say that..what happened to me, happened to me in my absence..I was "re-defined", so to speak. I can only take blame for my part in it, but I am with dignity and grace to the very end. The pain will not define me..what someone does (carries consequences) to me is beyond my control; what is within my grasp is my response to what is thrown at me..my finest moments in life are the times that I am at my lowest and I think of others first before myself. Love makes you do the ultimate selfless act. You thank them for hurting you because they make you stronger. For the pain they inflicted on you, you still thank them for it is better you that is hurting than them; for the betrayal you still thank them, if it brought them joy, (at the expense of your broken heart) because now you understand thats trust takes a lifetime to build and seconds to destroy..you learn to be careful and of course, it goes without saying, "I will never be the same again".

And whoever said, that what I do not know won't hurt me, is a moron! Because for me, with certainty I say, not knowing is the worst feeling in the world.

Broken-hearts are never mended like they were before they are shattered; I am just hoping that I will find things in life that will allow me to live with a patched-up heart..where lights can seep through where the big cracks used to be. I will not run from this, I will learn from this! We had always hoped to find someone to love who believes in us. I believed in you but for a couple of occassions, he didn't believe in me...Sad!

Terrible things happen in life and during my bad days, I am thankful still because trials, tribulations, tests, disappointments in love, save me. I choose to look at them not as stumbling blocks but stepping stones. They are a challenge to me to be the better one..this particular hurt will not paralyze me, it will motivate me to discover who I really am...This is one journey, I never thought I would have to take. Now that I am in it, I believe I needed it. I fall in love like it will not hurt me, but I know it will..The cure for the pain, is in the pain - I have been told - thus, this process.

I take each day as it comes, I am trying to recover. This I know, what is behind me (past) is behind me, what is up ahead (future) is still before me, what really matters is... what is within me.

Not sure who said this, but the remedy for a suffering soul is hope and patience..I have an abundance of both.

Today is actually a good day (contrary to what this post might cause you to think) for WE woke up and saw the sun rise..and akin to life, I do see the rainbow up ahead (but darn it, I have to put up with the rain first)..Life goes on and days do get brighter. They do! Everything will be alright. Maybe not tomorrow, but one day, very soon.

R and I are in this two-gether. Our love will see us through this.

.....for this too shall pass..

Let me end this post with lyrics to a song:

You've got to give a little

  take a little

and let your poor heart,

  break a little,

that's the story of,

 that's the glory of love...

I'm Baaack....

OMG! It took me a year to recover my password just to get back on here...To all your emails and "un-published" comments, my apologies..I promise I will make this worth your while. It will be a series of good reads from now on..yeah, yeah, I know, I keep promising that and then I get sidetracked and then be gone again for a few months :-)
All I can do is do betteror TRY to do better..right? Thank you all for your patience.
Okay let me see...farming.. and more farming took up most of my time in 2011..from April 'til early April 2012. There were people to save from flooding (damn! those people who cut trees in the mountains and then let the people lowlands suffer!). There was a strong earthquake that shook our archipelago; there were "nietas" to cuddle and help ease the pain of teething but all in all I learned a lot of things about me and everyone around me this past year..phew! Sometimes I get tired but I know I am given everything, that has happened to me because I can take it and because I have a role in improving the lives of those I love and to work on myself as well..tough times reflect my ability to cope and my resolve to know what is really important in life..and yes, like the song... all I need is love.
As I sit here, marvelling at this spectacular view of the mountains (sans the sound of the gardener's lawnmower!) and the fog covered mountains, listening to the birds singing and chirping away - I am blessed.

I have R in my life and I am very good with that. His love keeps me going and never giving up. The very anchor to this fleeting ship of mine. He does wonders for me..rough times means the chance to polish the relationship. I will never give up because life is best lived with love.. there are matters and issues that are being worked on but in my heart of hearts, or from the cockles of my heart, it is blasphemous almost for me not to tend to a love so great as ours. He is everything I am looking for and ironically, I was not even looking.

The first time I saw him I fell in love and he smiled, now I know why, it was because HE KNEW.

Each morning we wake up together, I am grateful for the chance to love him again.. more than I am grateful that I am given a day to live again.

I miss blogging..another day.
It is great to be baaaack!!