If you walk away with one thing from reading this today, let it be, that I hope what I have written in here has helped in one small way alleviate what you are going through..for this (or that) too shall pass..I know, easier said than done, right? I hope something good comes out of today's posting..
This post is a reflection of where I am in "the process" of what I need to go through. Healing the spirit, mending the heart and purifying the soul can teach us all a thing or two about who we really are.
I've read in the past, a line that goes.."There are some hurts that you never completely get over and one might think time will diminish their presence and to a degree..it does..but it still hurts because, well hurt - hurts". It did not bear any significance to me then but I get what it means now.
I always took pride that I am a loyal person (to a fault, at times) but as I reflect on that, there is not a single person I have loved that didn't eventually betray me..Coulda, shoulda, woulda goes through ones mind like the speed of light but it does not really change anything or worth holding unto longer than it serves its purpose..In the stillness of the night, I sigh and still wonder why..but I forge ahead being positive in my approach to this..
Pain is pain, called by any other name, will still taste bitter just the same. I said that.
When I heard my heart breaking into pieces, it woke me up in the middle of the night, I got up, sat in the darkness of the garage and sobbed. I thought, "My God, help me!" I so distinctively heard "Give up!" my mind tells me; but my heart was whispering, "Maybe" followed by "Try it one more time"... I am going with the latter..I always believed that after years of experience when one is facing darkness, all you have to do is turn around and face the light. Hope is stronger than fear.
Let me take a step back and say that..what happened to me, happened to me in my absence..I was "re-defined", so to speak. I can only take blame for my part in it, but I am with dignity and grace to the very end. The pain will not define me..what someone does (carries consequences) to me is beyond my control; what is within my grasp is my response to what is thrown at me..my finest moments in life are the times that I am at my lowest and I think of others first before myself. Love makes you do the ultimate selfless act. You thank them for hurting you because they make you stronger. For the pain they inflicted on you, you still thank them for it is better you that is hurting than them; for the betrayal you still thank them, if it brought them joy, (at the expense of your broken heart) because now you understand thats trust takes a lifetime to build and seconds to destroy..you learn to be careful and of course, it goes without saying, "I will never be the same again".
And whoever said, that what I do not know won't hurt me, is a moron! Because for me, with certainty I say, not knowing is the worst feeling in the world.
Broken-hearts are never mended like they were before they are shattered; I am just hoping that I will find things in life that will allow me to live with a patched-up heart..where lights can seep through where the big cracks used to be. I will not run from this, I will learn from this! We had always hoped to find someone to love who believes in us. I believed in you but for a couple of occassions, he didn't believe in me...Sad!
Terrible things happen in life and during my bad days, I am thankful still because trials, tribulations, tests, disappointments in love, save me. I choose to look at them not as stumbling blocks but stepping stones. They are a challenge to me to be the better one..this particular hurt will not paralyze me, it will motivate me to discover who I really am...This is one journey, I never thought I would have to take. Now that I am in it, I believe I needed it. I fall in love like it will not hurt me, but I know it will..The cure for the pain, is in the pain - I have been told - thus, this process.
I take each day as it comes, I am trying to recover. This I know, what is behind me (past) is behind me, what is up ahead (future) is still before me, what really matters is... what is within me.
Not sure who said this, but the remedy for a suffering soul is hope and patience..I have an abundance of both.
Today is actually a good day (contrary to what this post might cause you to think) for WE woke up and saw the sun rise..and akin to life, I do see the rainbow up ahead (but darn it, I have to put up with the rain first)..Life goes on and days do get brighter. They do! Everything will be alright. Maybe not tomorrow, but one day, very soon.
R and I are in this two-gether. Our love will see us through this.
.....for this too shall pass..
Let me end this post with lyrics to a song:
You've got to give a little
take a little
and let your poor heart,
break a little,
that's the story of,
that's the glory of love...
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