I will let you in on a little secret...

To say, that this month has been my "mensis horribilos" is about right...but, allow me to let you in on a little secret...

Yesterday's post about "turning the page" did not come easy. I am honest when I say that. Not easy but I am at peace with it. Really! The smile hasn't not quite  reached my eyes yet but in my heart, it is there.

The secret is ... two nights ago when I could not go to sleep, I opted to count my blessings (and not the proverbial sheeps) that simple act was the trigger that made a big change inside of me. Things, feelings, perspective and judgements, all my own -  turned around..the light was there.

I realised that great blessings do come out of any difficulty.

Sometimes eyes and ears are closed and hearts are sealed shut. In my times of distress and sadness, as a human being, I get into an automatic mode of putting up the walls again that have protected me in the past - defense mechanisms, most call it. I see what I see, I feel what I feel and I think what I think. And the world be damned! Yet in life just like in love, when it involves people - events, situations, indiscretions or circumstances  are not always in black and white. They do come in shades of gray. But as a woman, (never ever being the one to be on the fence on matters that involve the heart) I realised that loving is not only about having the right person in my life to be in-love with but actually... ME, being the right person to the one I love who also loves me back.

Counting my blessings that night opened my eyes to what I have always known but did not want to acknowledge and that is I had tunnel vision when it comes to expectations in relationships. I held others, including R, to my standards and that left so much room for error and disappointment. It almost seemed like it is a recipe for disaster. What I know now, is that my standards are my own. I hold only myself to uphold it. R, must have his own standards and live up to them, not to me.

You cannot disappointment anyone worse than yourself, I reckon.

I am in a loving relationship. I can only control my self, my reactions, my words and actions for they are reflective of what is valuable to me. My morals are my own and I should not mold others to fit it. An understanding is in place now and we are bound to honor that understanding. Halleluyah, is our song!!

Blessings come in all forms, shapes and at various times of our life. Expect them when you least expect them! Be ready and be willing to change for the best version of you. Change means growth, growth can bring pain. Facts of Life! We deal with it. For blessings are simple reminders that Someone is looking out for us. Stay positive. It can do you wonders.

The secret once again is, when in times of trouble and when you are feeling like everything is "going wrong and out of whack" in your life, take a moment and count your blessings. You will be surprised how your life has been full of color, texture and dimension that in the grand scheme of things these have shaped  YOU to what you are now. And with this realization, you will come to accept that you are what your scars signify.healing and with beauty. 

Counting one's blessings bring you closer to God. He never gives us any test in life that does not bear a lesson we MUST learn and a trial that we cannot surpass with flying colors. His faith in us in unwavering. It is us that often times loose faith in Him. He believes in us most especially during moments that we do not believe in ourselves. On moments that we loose sight of what role we have in enriching the lives of those around us, He allows darkness so we can see glimpses of light to re-direct us to the right path. It is never  about the "drop in the ocean" but the "ocean in the drop".

Think about it. Count your blessings and say "Thank you". It is good for the spirit and best for the soul. When you think you are alone, you are not...somewhere, someone has a good thought about you.. and you go with that.

Living life is not about how many breaths you take, (like love) it is about those precious moments that take your breath away!

Today is the best day yet.