Friday Blues

Have I mentioned in the past how I dread Fridays? Well, today is one of those dreadful Fridays.

As I was packing my 4th and 5th boxes today, I pondered the reality that sometimes departures and goodbyes have to be done and said even if there is really no place to go. I know I am going somewhere hence the packing but it is a trip that is so heavy on the heart, as the boxes are mounting.

Today is dawned on me that the saddest day of the week is Friday. And for awhile it will remain like that. I am loosing time and memories as every Friday comes and goes. With love and time, I will feel better, I know. I have to believe that it will get better, for the alternative is too hard to take.

I do not allow myself to think about past Fridays, I just concentrate on the present ones. It is too painful to even think about them, let alone miss them. Too much I tell you.

For awhile I have not cried on a Friday, today I did. Sorry.

I was weak today and it was okay to be weak for a moment. I hated the tears. I now know that I was not afraid to fall in love it was the idea that I might lose is what terrifies me. I am not scared of being alone, it is the getting there alone that makes me bite my lower lip as tears roll down my cheeks. It might just happen and I am dealing with that possible reality in my own time, alone. I am having a very practice with this single-dom idea.

I was all alone lately, packing. Moments would pass by and it already have been hours. Times goes by so fast when one is so wrapped up in doing something.

Fridays -wow! What I would give to have some great Fridays and Friday nights again, but going out now will be too soon. I know that breaking up is almost like a death. One gets to experience the loss and then the bouts of sadness and then deep sorrow. But like any death, after the dark episodes of melancholy, life will go on.
This too shall pass, I know that. But as of today, this Friday has been tough. I am glad it is late in the evening now and in a few hours as every second ticks, Saturday cannot come soon enough for me.

Have I told you how I dread Fridays? I do.